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 | Blogs > romitaNY > Scent of a Woman > Were We The Guinea Pigs?? |
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romitaNY
2/11/2007 2:54 pmLast Read: |
I always believed that I belong to a generation of women who have lived through very exciting and dramatic times. My generation might have missed the struggle for independence and the world wars. But we were witnesses to the passing of the Haley's comet, fall of the Berlin wall and Soviet Union, but most importantly we were a generation that was born when India and many parts of the world had a taste of leadership under some very strong women. Margaret Thatcher in Uk, Indira Gandhi in India and Sirimavo Bandernaikey in Sri Lanka. So what did it mean for us? Primarily it told our parents that even when you are blessed with only a girl child, it's not a bane but a boon. Nurture the child, guide her properly and sky's the limit for her. Keeping this in mind my father always encouraged me to be an achiever overcoming the constraints put forward by the society. He would say you are not my daughter but my son. He always gave more importance to my education and outdoor activities. He always was insistent that women become financially independent. My mother on the other hand gave importance to singing, dancing and other household activities that any good Indian girl is supposed to know. Yes just like any other Bengali girl, I was trained in music and dance. Something due to my immaturity at that time I did not pursue all that much. Somewhere deep down I do regret it at times. Why this disparity in mindset between my parents? It's not that my mother did not understand the importance of education, she did. In fact when it came to dividing my time between my studies and other extra-curricular activities she put emphasis on my studies. Yet deep down she knew I had to master other things as well. As a teenager I rebelled against all that was set for me to do. I was more interested in hanging out with friends and hated going to my music lessons. I would rather sleep the extra forty winks than get up early in the morning to practice my singing. Now I have the maturity to see what my mother did. Deep down she knew, no matter how financially independent I get. Ultimately I will be married off to another household. Where my father and mother wouldn't be there to take care of me or to save me from the emotional barbs that would come my way. They knew that society was not yet ready for a fully independent woman, a woman who could live without the umbrella of male security. They knew they had to get me married off or else they would have to listen to taunts like "Oh your daughter is earning hence you show no interest in her marriage". So we became a generation of confused women. Women who were taught to be themselves and have opinions, yet who were expected to behave like our grandmothers did. Our grandmothers who were married off at a very young age, knew that her husband, her children were everything for her. All they did was cook, clean, keep a household and raise children. Learning to ignore their own desires and aspirations. I never asked any of my grandmothers if they ever had any ambition other than to see their children succeed in life. I shall do so this time. The same cannot be said for my younger cousin sisters. They are fiercely independent, one of them has been earning and putting herself through school ever since she was a teenager. Not because her father cannot afford it, because her father is supporting her decision to be independent. She has been taught that marriage is not the ultimate goal in a woman's life. She has been taught to fulfill her every ambition and then if she feels she wants to, she can get married. Don't you wonder what brought forth this change? Well my family has become wiser. They know anything half-baked and half hearted doesn’t pay much. My education in independence was half-baked, the rest of it I learned through the harsh lessons in life. A lesson my family has learned as well. One thing is for sure; I may not have got the right support when I needed it. But my cousins from now on shall have the backing of one fiercely independent and a battle heartened elder sister. Nothing from now on shall be done half-heartedly. No more experimentation, no more being a guinea pig. |
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2/11/2007 5:18 pm |
go girl go
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2/11/2007 6:40 pm |
Thanks and welcome back... Yes... it's true. It's not that easy to change the age old culture which is running in the society for more than 5000 years... And the nature made it like that. The human offsprings are made like it that they will be dependant on mother for a good long time. Whatever it may come, the women have to be the home maker for them. It can't be changed with time. Marriage is not the ultimate goal... it's definitely a part of the journey of life. It's not that a man/woman can't live without each other, but they have to come on a social bond of marriage for procreation. Don't you believe that a lot is changing in the society! It's not any experimentation, it's only everything changing with time... I love and respect women in every form... mother, sister, wife, friend, companion, beloved... though I've also not good experiences with them always... Again thanks for the post. RAINBOW07 
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2/11/2007 9:23 pm |
At the onset, I will first state categorically that I fully support the need for equality for women in all fields of human endeavour. That society would do well to support the aspirations of women along with safeguarding their rights and ensuring a just and equitable environment for them. That said, this thread is about giving women a chance at equity, an entirely acceptable proposition to me, so let’s examine some facts and figures for the region. The World Bank numbers are presented hereon for perusal:
There have been, and still are, a number of highly visible female leaders in a politically and socially volatile region. Going against conventional wisdom, two heavily populated Muslim countries, Pakistan and Bangladesh, still have female politico's playing important roles in their nations. The battling Begums of Bangladesh and the effervescent Benazir Bhutto. Benazir, with her husband as front man along with the rest of the feudal overlords, are alleged to have robbed the country blind. Under her watch, the strife in Karachi reached fever pitch between the Mujahir's and local Sunni population with daily killings galore. It was also during her reign that the madrasahs of Pakistan spawned the fanatical Taleban hordes that raced across Afghanistan, with some fanned out across the globe with their message of hatred. To east, the battling Begums of Bangladesh tried their best to destroy each other with endless bundhs and political vendettas when either one was in power. That Bangladesh saw a positive increase in their numbers has more to do with the industry and fortitude of their people than the vision of their leaders. A further south finds the deadly duo in Sri Lanka, under whose watch the civil war flared up and spawned arguably the deadliest terrorist/guerrilla fighters of these times, the Tamil Tigers. Both Bandaranaike, and later Wickramasinghe, played the hand of the Sinhalese hardliners. Much to the detriment of a peaceful and entrepreneurial people. Having examined both the numbers and the recent political history, I am inclined to believe that it matters not a whit whether women or men lead the political establishment in our region. Their only focus is to gain power to amass ill gotten wealth, privilege and power for themselves and their parties. Citizens and the nations' wellbeing rarely feature in their plans. Which then bring forth the query: what will it take to recognize that one half of society, women, is faced with an uphill battle every step of the way ?
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2/11/2007 11:59 pm |
After my parents divorce, my mother did drugs, so I asked my father's mother to take care of me (I was 10 years old). I'd seen what drugs do to a person (from age 4 to 10). Grandma did a good job with me. I just wish she had equal influence on the other siblings. Later in life, mom's brain was already fried. SHE GOT HIT BY A SEMI-TRAILOR TRUCK, so she doesn't remember anything past 2003. I'll never get that apology.
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2/12/2007 4:26 am |
Jirey I am in total accordance with you when you say that politicians no matter of which \bsexo?\b, their primary focus has been to secure their own position and wealth. Having said that now I return to your question "what will it take to recognize that one half of society, women, is faced with an uphill battle every step of the way ?" Why do we have to wait for the politicians to do something. Had Mohammad Yunus waited than Grameen Bank in Bangladesh would never have been founded. Amidst the battling begums, it just took the vision and a lot of hardwork from one person to form a financial institution who has raised many families in bangladesh above the poverty line. Incidentally 97% of all borrowers of Grameen Bank are women. A step in the right direction wouldn't you say ? Benazir Bhutto, A woman equally confused as us. How to juggle a career in politics and still keep her identity as a woman. Interestingly she had to deliver a child during her first election campaign to prove she was a woman first and a politician next. Ever stopped and pondered why? Her election campaign manifesto did emphasize on women's rights. She wanted to set up all women police stations and repeal the heinous shariya laws of Hudood and Zina. The first one which considers rape is primarily a vitims fault and not the perpetretors and punishes the victim. Zina is equally barbaric on women who are considered an adultress. Her party faced stiff opposition from the hard liners during her term. Yet it took the courage and determination of another woman from Pakistan to put a spotlight on the plight of women in that region. Mukhtar Mai has become an international symbol for women who have been raped for revenge, yet she chose to fight back. Despite the fact that President Musharraf had her put in house arrest at the time she was to have travelled to the west to tell her story. Mukhtar Mai received many grants, after her ordeal came out in the open. She chose to run schools for women using those same grants. All it takes is one bold voice, one step in the right direction and things can improve. We may have been an experimental generation, My belief the experiment has been successful and we are headed in the right direction.
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2/12/2007 4:35 am |
Rainbow I am not a marriage hater, neither have I stopped believing in love. But above all I believe in the individuality of a woman. I presented before you four generations of women from my family. My grandmother whose only aim in life was to maintain a good household and bring up her children. My mother who followed on similar lines yet recognized the importance of women's independence. Myself who took some steps in that direction and my younger cousin sister, who is going to live the life of her own choice from the start. Someone had asked me, had you got married at the age of 19 instead of 27 what would you have done? My answer was I would have followed the footsteps of my mother and grandmother. As I wouldn't have known what it means to be an independent woman. The change has been slow and steady I do agree. But definitely a change has been there. Problem is it needs to be hastened and it needs to reach beyond the city limits of indian society. Even now in suburban and rural India, girls are being married off before they finish their 12th standard exams. Ever stopped and asked why?, Ever asked these girls do they wish to be bound by the chains of marriage or do they wish to do something else with their lives?
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2/12/2007 4:40 am |
Qandi I am truly sorry to hear about your mother, and your relationship with her. You mother may not have had the strength to fight back her personal demons, hence she took the escapist route of drugs. You on the other hand having been a witness to all that shall never repeat what your mother did. You did learn the lessons from her didn't you, and the strength from your grandmother Do not seek apology instead laugh at life and say "Life I dealt with your curve ball and still scored a Home Run"
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2/12/2007 7:30 am |
Romi > welcome I agree with ur thoughts.. I m very much happy to see u here wat to say more. Thank u very much Alok
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2/12/2007 8:00 am |
Romitaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... .... Welcome backkkkkkkk 
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2/12/2007 1:09 pm |
(((((((romi)))))))))) welcome back.
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2/12/2007 6:08 pm |
Ras, Whiskey, Pranaam I dunno whether am back or not. I just wrote this post as Rainbow requested me to blog again Let's see how long I stay 
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