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 | Blogs > kalanchoe > Mischievious Murmurs > A Lovers Silence |
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"The Sound of Silence" by Simon & Garfunkel Hello darkness, my old friend; I've come to talk with you again. Because a vision softly creeping Left its seeds while I was sleeping, And the vision that was planted in my brain Still remains within the sound of silence. In restless dreams I walked alone, Narrow streets of cobblestone. 'Neath the halo of a street lamp, I turned my collar to the cold and damp When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light That split the night, and touched the sound of silence. And in the naked light I saw Ten thousand people, maybe more. People talking without speaking, People hearing without listening, People writing songs that voices never shared. And no one dared disturb the sound of silence. "Fools," said I, "You do not know Silence like a cancer grows. Hear my words that I might teach you, Take my arms that I might lead you." But my words like silent raindrops fell, And echoed in the wells of silence. And the people bowed and prayed To the neon god they made. And the sign flashed out its warning, In the words that it was forming. And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls And tenement halls, and whispered in the sounds of silence." They said it well...silence like a cancer grows. And just as cancer in many cases claims the life of its victim, so does silence destroy and suck the life out of a relationship or even out of the victim themself. I really should have known better. Falling in love with a married man has too many risks and consequences. But the fact remains that I did. One of those "risks & consequences" is in the realization that you are not truly a part of the married partners life outside of the liasons(or dates) and im or phone conversations that take place only when the family is not around. (Before anyone out there decides to be judgemental please understand that this is MY CHOICE...I am also still legally married and not looking for a husband.) Why does this matter?? And what in the world could it possibly have to do with silence you ask??  My lover and I were chatting one day on the yim and he was telling me that I was lucky to have caught him because he was going to take a day trip to D.C. with a co-worker but the plans had fallen through. He then went on to let me know his work schedule and that he would be taking this trip on his next days off, then he would be working again then another trip to Ohio. The whole time he was informing me, I was already stuck on the first information about the "would be" trip that fell through for that day. It was like a slap in the face. I was realizing what a very long time it would have been and still would be before he and I could even just chat again. And had the trip NOT been postponed, I would not have had even one clue as to why I was not hearing from him!! My mind was working in over drive at this point and the thought that I would never know if something happened to him ... I am not really a part of his life and that I can not expect anything more or different was washing through my mind over and over again. I became very upset...I couldn't stop it. And I felt that I couldn't talk to him about it. So I would not answer his phone calls that day to meet him for a brief time. I thought that I would somehow endure the many days to come that he would not be around and anxiously await word from him when he was "back" and available. The day arrived...and ended with no word from him. Then again the next day came and went...and the next...etc...etc...etc. It only took me the first day to realize that something was wrong. But he had always talked things out with me in the past. He even told me that he would never end the relationship as he wanted it to last a very long time so I would have to be the one to end it, if I chose to do so. He said he loved me...needless to say, I love him. Each day I would see he was either logged in here at IFF or had been here. He never showed up in yim...I am sure he was there only invisible to me. I saw he had looked at my profile. Why???? I will never know. After the 3rd day with no contact from him I became very depressed and despondent. As I went about my days, he would pop into my mind and I would crumble into a bawling mess. I would cry myself to sleep. But I would awake each day with hope...hoping he would make contact with me somehow. Why didn't I contact him? I finally did... with an email. I didn't hear back from him. The silence from him was destroying me. I sent a more harsh email a day later wondering if the silence was the end. To this I had a reply...but nothing I had expected. Although he said the relationship was not over...he said the silence was to understand the relationship. Something in me died when I read that. I have no understanding in silence. He was on IFF at this time and I sent him another email. No word. And the pattern is repeating itself. Its too late now. The silence claimed its victim(s). There is NO understanding in silence. I think he was just trying to be "kinder" at that point. Silence should NEVER be the answer to any situation. NEVER. Silence destroys...kills and the lost time can never be reclaimed. It is for certain no way to deal with a relationship issue. But he has his desire...he has silenced me. |
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10/2/2008 8:01 pm |
I am not being judgmental. May be silence is his choice. If I were in your situation, I will find it irritating. I like talking things out straight. But for that, both should be inclined that way.  Best Wishes, Kalan
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10/2/2008 7:59 pm |
kalan no one has the right to judge you ..you are not the first person this has happened to at iff and you certainly won't be the last ..its just sad that people think they can play with your emotions ..this guy is not worthy of your friendship ..now you need to look ahead ..huggz jay Take care, Kalan
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10/1/2008 9:58 pm |
kalan no one has the right to judge you ..you are not the first person this has happened to at iff and you certainly won't be the last ..its just sad that people think they can play with your emotions ..this guy is not worthy of your friendship ..now you need to look ahead ..huggz jay
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10/1/2008 8:40 pm |
I am not being judgmental. May be silence is his choice. If I were in your situation, I will find it irritating. I like talking things out straight. But for that, both should be inclined that way. VASHALAN
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