LTR=LOVE, TRUST and RESPECT
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6/15/2009 1:20 amLast Read: |
In 1967 the Beatles sung their all famous song "All you need is love". Although the word 'love' is repeated more than 100 times in the song, in reality there is more to a relationship than just love. LTR explains that a relationship has three elements that belong together. Together they make the relationship. These elements are: • Like/Love, which is a natural feeling of affection one has for somebody else • Trust, which is the feeling of security that someone else will not hurt or harm you, and • Respect, which is the feeling of added value that someone provides to you or to the environment A relationship consists of the three elements. The intensity of each respective element can be from initial to very intense and from positive to negative. Hate is a feeling of love. It is just a intense negative form. A good relationship has a balanced positive combination of Love, Trust and Respect. LTR explains that by nature Like/Love comes first, followed by Trust and ultimately by Respect. TO LOVE IS TO TRUST To love is to trust; Sad, but it’s true That trust against lust Can cause you to rue The day that you met - Your love. To trust is to respect That love will do too, And without that respect Trust against lust Will never stand true - To your love. (By Corinna Turner) HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS Sometimes it feels impossible to find someone who's right for you - and who thinks you're right for him or her! It's totally normal to look at the world through rose-colored glasses in the early stages of a relationship. But for some people, those rose-colored glasses turn into blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship isn't as healthy as it should be. Hopefully your boyfriend or girlfriend will treat you as fabulously as you're treating him or her. Not sure if that's the case? Take a step back from the dizzying sensation of being swept off your feet, and think about whether your relationship is healthy. Does your relationship have these qualities? Mutual respect Does he or she get how cool you are and why? (Watch out if the answer to the first part is yes, but it's because you're pretending to act like someone you're not!) The key is that your boyfriend or girlfriend is into you for who you are - for your great sense of humor, your love of sci-fi movies, etc. Does your partner listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something, and then back off right away? Respect in a healthy relationship means that each person values who the other is and understands - and would never challenge - the other person's boundaries. Trust You're talking with a guy at the gym, and your boyfriend walks by. Does he completely lose his cool or keep walking because he knows you'd never cheat on him? It's OK to get a little jealous sometimes - jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when he or she feels jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other. Honesty This one goes hand in hand with trust because it's tough to trust someone when one of you isn't being honest. Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie? Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night, but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends? The next time she says she has to work you'll have more trouble believing her and the trust will be on shaky ground. Support It's not just in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart, but can't take being there when things are going right. In a healthy relationship, your sweetie's there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced, and you're ready to celebrate when he or she scores that job promotion. Fairness/equality You need to have give and take in any healthy relationship. Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see? As a couple, do you hang out with your partner's friends as often as you hang out with yours? It's not like you have to keep a running count and make sure things are exactly even, of course. But you'll know if it isn't a pretty fair balance. Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time. Separate identities In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises. But that doesn't mean you should feel like you're losing out on being yourself. When you started dating, you both had your own lives - your own families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc. That shouldn't change. You should also feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward. Good/Open communication You've probably heard lots of stuff about how men and women don't seem to speak the same language. A classic example: We all know how many different meanings the little phrase "no, nothing's wrong" can have, depending on who's saying it! But what's important is to ask if you're not sure what he or she means, and speak honestly and openly so that the miscommunication might not happen in the first place. Never keep a feeling bottled up because you're afraid it's not what your BF or GF wants to hear or because you worry about sounding silly. And if you need some time to think something through before you're ready to talk about it, the right person will give you some space to do that if you ask for it. If your relationship does not include all of the qualities above it may not be as healthy of a relationship as you might have thought. If it does, Great! Maintaining healthy relationships can be difficult at times but hang in there. If your not one of the lucky ones, you might find yourself asking so what’s an unhealthy relationship? CAN CHEATER"S BE FORGIVEN? When it comes to matters of the heart I have one golden rule: If I can’t trust you, then I can’t love you. It’s just that simple, because in my book, the two go hand in hand. Think about it for a moment: If your mind can never be at ease because you think your partner is doing dirt; then what kind of loving relationship is that? You’re spending more time tearing the relationship down by snoopin’ and worrying than actually building it up to something worth wild. People always talk about the feeling and emotions of love, which is fine, but what solidifies it all is trust. You have to really love and trust someone to be willing to let them raise your kids, have access to your personal accounts and share your bed with them at night. Those aren’t things you let just anyone do—or maybe that’s just me. A husband should be able to trust his wife with his life and vice versa. Anything less is unacceptable for my marriage and lifelong love. Now what happens when the bond of trust is broken? The feelings of love may still remain, but let’s face it, things are changed forever. You can never look at that person the same. He or she lied, cheated and misled you, so you’d be a fool to believe anything they ever said again. It’s like that old adage: “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” Sure you may want to work things out and actually forgive, but will you really ever forget? That doubt will eat away at your relationship and pop up in every argument. Now everyone is entitled to make mistakes and you should make room for forgiveness in your heart, but once there’s a precedent for cheating and lying, it’s virtually impossible to fully regain trust. See, once trust has been sullied the once-pure love that existed between a couple becomes tainted as well. I for one give everyone the benefit of the doubt initially, but once you cross me you’re placed in my “do not trust” box. That’s the only way I can protect my heart from further damage. At the end of the day, no one can do anything to you that you don’t allow them to do and I refuse to love someone I can no longer trust. How do you guys feel about the correlation between love and trust? Can one exist without the other? Can you ever truly fall in love with a person you can’t trust? Have you ever been cheated on or lied to but somehow found a way to forgive that person in the name of love? Did the relationship survive or was it doomed from the start? How important is trust to your relationships? |
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6/15/2009 9:34 pm |
An excellant post. Trust in a relationship is a must. Trust and love are inseperable. The rule doesn't seem to apply in casual friendships / love affairs. But true love as you said cannot exist without trust and trust will not exist without honesty. Good analusis. Keep posting.
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6/16/2009 4:08 am |
 we can write lot, but we all fail in practice We all will have atleast 2 personality, one thinking another execution. Bridging the gap between the 2 is what may most demanding! 2lips, there is gap between! !
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6/16/2009 10:53 am |
You did well young lady. It is quite a meaningful write up, may be the best blog I have ever come across in these columns last few months. Its touching, bearing, soul searching, deliberative as well as makes one to seriously pondered over about human virtues/values. Keep it up, do keep writing. A wide round of applause to you for doing a great work. Your hubby&family too deserve credit for enabling you contribute such a valuable blog. Good luck lady, best of luck.
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6/16/2009 12:05 pm |
tuls i am very sorry if i hurt u.sumtimes deres a little child in me which gets d better of me.wish i hadnt dis possesive srteak 4 those whom i really care. bye n plz hav a nic sleep
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6/17/2009 8:53 am |
I think trust is more important than love. A person you trust, you can eventually love. A person you love who breaks your trust, you will never settle in intimacy with. Once we lose trust, relationship is impossible. We can compromise it, and stick around for the ride but the truth is, once trust is gone, love can't flow. I love people I don't trust, but I don't trust people that I don't hold close to my heart. nice post..........keep writing tulip Take care
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6/18/2009 3:29 pm |
An excellant post. Trust in a relationship is a must. Trust and love are inseperable. The rule doesn't seem to apply in casual friendships / love affairs. But true love as you said cannot exist without trust and trust will not exist without honesty. Good analusis. Keep posting. If u love somone..the trust has to b ther.. if trust is missing...its nt true love. I m grateful for ur valueable comments.
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6/18/2009 3:32 pm |
we can write lot, but we all fail in practice We all will have atleast 2 personality, one thinking another execution. Bridging the gap between the 2 is what may most demanding! 2lips, there is gap between! !  thank you for visiting!
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6/18/2009 3:35 pm |
You did well young lady. It is quite a meaningful write up, may be the best blog I have ever come across in these columns last few months. Its touching, bearing, soul searching, deliberative as well as makes one to seriously pondered over about human virtues/values. Keep it up, do keep writing. A wide round of applause to you for doing a great work. Your hubby&family too deserve credit for enabling you contribute such a valuable blog. Good luck lady, best of luck. Thank You. Regards and best wishes.
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6/18/2009 3:39 pm |
tuls i am very sorry if i hurt u.sumtimes deres a little child in me which gets d better of me.wish i hadnt dis possesive srteak 4 those whom i really care. bye n plz hav a nic sleep Possessiveness! People who care stay..i know u will too. That was momentary..it'll pass by. Take Care.
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6/18/2009 3:43 pm |
I think trust is more important than love. A person you trust, you can eventually love. A person you love who breaks your trust, you will never settle in intimacy with. Once we lose trust, relationship is impossible. We can compromise it, and stick around for the ride but the truth is, once trust is gone, love can't flow. I love people I don't trust, but I don't trust people that I don't hold close to my heart. nice post..........keep writing tulip Take care You are so rare to find.. Always love to see u around.
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6/18/2009 11:21 pm |
Hi Ms Tulip- so nice of you for your feed back, thanks for your right spirit of heeding to healthy advises.Well human and mistakes go together, like it is said 'err is human', but as you aptly put it in your blog, that 'err'does'nt hold good in a love relationship. Similarly is the well known paradigm of 'forgive&forget'. It should not become habitual for a partner to err, avail the forgiveness, shift to another, to make it perpetual and eternal. There needs to be a check at one point, an active end. Seen in this context, your blog rightly dwelt the LRT issue in a more worthy way. Look forward for your next. Good luck young lady.
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6/20/2009 10:54 am |
Hi Ms Tulip- so nice of you for your feed back, thanks for your right spirit of heeding to healthy advises.Well human and mistakes go together, like it is said 'err is human', but as you aptly put it in your blog, that 'err'does'nt hold good in a love relationship. Similarly is the well known paradigm of 'forgive&forget'. It should not become habitual for a partner to err, avail the forgiveness, shift to another, to make it perpetual and eternal. There needs to be a check at one point, an active end. Seen in this context, your blog rightly dwelt the LRT issue in a more worthy way. Look forward for your next. Good luck young lady. But we all should practice forgiveness at some point to clear our mind from persistent stressful feelings and thoughts. In doing so we remove what blocks our energy and happiness. When we forgive, we create happiness and health for ourselves and we open the doors for fresh air and light. There is always a road somewhere nearby but you can only walk that road when you come out of your dungeon. By forgiving, you get out of that box and begin to see all kinds of roads to places you want to go to.
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7/8/2009 7:21 pm |
Trust and love take a further beating when either of the partners adopt an attitude of "AN EYE FOR AN EYE" or "GIVING IT BACK". This arises from the attitude of "I can forgive but I cant forget". If one hasnt forgotten yet says he/she has forgiven, then the person hasnt actually forgiven and carries malice in the heart. In the bargain, it is trust and love which take a beating. Yes trust is the bedrock of love, but also the attitude of forgiving and FORGETTING. Nice post, Tulip, keep it up
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7/15/2009 8:48 am |
Trust and love take a further beating when either of the partners adopt an attitude of "AN EYE FOR AN EYE" or "GIVING IT BACK". This arises from the attitude of "I can forgive but I cant forget". If one hasnt forgotten yet says he/she has forgiven, then the person hasnt actually forgiven and carries malice in the heart. In the bargain, it is trust and love which take a beating. Yes trust is the bedrock of love, but also the attitude of forgiving and FORGETTING. Nice post, Tulip, keep it up It's not always easy, but the benefits of forgiving -- and 'forgetting' -- can be powerful. "What's important is working it through and achieving resolution, whether it leads to forgiveness or not. Forgiveness involves wishing the other well. You're already there if you don't wish them ill," Safer says. Thank You!
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 8/3/2009 4:57 am |
Dear Young Lady , its realy excellent !! but doing Phd on love is very difficult ,Even lovers who succeeded may fail in expressing it but LOVE can make every thing possible for impossible.....! "Don't threaten me with love, Baby. Let's just go walking in the rain." - Billie Holiday "Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, A medley of extemporanea; And love is a thing that can never go wrong; And I am Marie of Roumania." - Dorothy Parker Love it You II get evrything "Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness." - Oliver Wendell Holmes "You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly." - Sam Keen So keep loving , it has the strength and power of making imperfect to perfect ,non trusted to be trusted ,non respect to be respected and it forgive the nonforgivenes.... (sory for cut and paste iam not a writer but iwan to express my feelings) keep posting ,your way of writing making me to see the footprints of the people who live and left. 
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