Anathesia Mar 10, 2007 5:25 am Mood: silly, 1443 Views A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful." Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute." The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now "cute." She asked, "What happened to beautiful?" The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off." ' 17 Comments

Gossip & Snippets Mar 6, 2007 6:36 am Mood: amused, 1513 Views Today is the day we honor presidents ranging from George Washington, who couldn’t tell a lie, to George Bush, who couldn’t tell the truth, to Bill Clinton, who couldn’t tell the difference. ' Well, the big story in the news is that Britney Spears shaved her head. Can you believe this? Legitimate news organizations are actually breaking into their Anna Nicole Smith coverage to tell you this. ' It so beautiful in Los Angeles today. A little sprinkling of rain, the seasons are changing; I saw some kids on my street today jumping in a big pile of Britney Spears hair. ' The NBA All-Star Game was in Las Vegas this weekend and there were over 300 related arrests that ranged from outstanding warrants, battery, burglary, and disorderly conduct. City officials said, "We can't have this kind of lawless behavior disrupting our city's gamblers, pimps, and prostitutes. ' Michael Jackson is reportedly upset because he was unable to get tickets to the NBA All-Star Game. However, Michael felt better about missing the game after someone explained to him that Jason Kidd is actually a grown man. ' There’s an asteroid heading toward the earth and we’re all going to die. There is! Scientists are saying there’s a 1 in 45,000 chance of an asteroid hitting the earth in 2036 . . . The asteroid is a giant rock. It’s headed toward the earth. We should send up a giant piece of paper. We couldn’t send scissors; that would be impractical. ' Barack Obama has admitted smoking pot and doing cocaine. He’s admitted it! You’re gonna need a squeeky clean record to get elected. George W. Bush would never have been elected if he had ever done cocaine . . . ' Presidential hopeful Barack Obama held a big fund raiser here last night. Everyone was there; Spielberg was there; Clooney was there; Anniston was there . . . I was unable to make it. I understand why a presidential hopeful would want Hollywood support. It’s crucial; you’re gonna need it. Let’s not forget Barbra Streisand almost single-handedly put President Kerry in the White House. ' The White House denied an assertion by Sen. Harry Reid that the Iraq war is the worst foreign policy mistake in U.S. history. The White House said, "You have to realize that President Bush has two more years in office. ' One of the male contestants on "American Idol" is being criticized because he once posed nude for a magazine. Meanwhile, Paula Abdul is being criticized because she once posed nude for a shot of Jager. 11 Comments

Male vs Female Brain Mar 3, 2007 8:14 pm Mood: amused, 1534 Views In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. ' After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. ...... ' A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask. "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the entire group said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used." ' ' 17 Comments

~^~^~^~^~^~ Your Lucky Number ~^~^~^~^~^~^~~^ Mar 1, 2007 9:03 pm Mood: giggly, 1450 Views Your birth date describes who we are, what we are good at, and what our inborn ablities are. It also points to what we have to learn and the challenges we are facing. Here it goes >>> What Year were you born? write down at least two numbers What Month were you born? What Day were you born? ' ' Add all your numbers together and see if they have been following you or appear at various places you visit. ********** It's just for fun *********** 7 Comments

~*~*~*~*~ Just An Old Lady ~*~*~*~*~ Mar 1, 2007 8:15 pm Mood: thoughtful, 1311 Views When an old lady died in the geriatric ward of a small hospital near Dundee , Scotland , it was believed that she had nothing left of any value. Later, when the nurses were going through her meager possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital. One nurse took her copy to Ireland . The old lady's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the North Ireland Association for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on her simple, but eloquent, poem. And this little old Scottish lady, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this "anonymous" poem winging across the Internet: ' ** Crabby Old Woman ** What do you see, nurses? What do you see? What are you thinking When you're looking at me? A crabby old woman, Not very wise, Uncertain of habit, With faraway eyes? Who dribbles her food And makes no reply When you say in a loud voice, "I do wish you'd try!" Who seems not to notice The things that you do, And forever is losing A stocking or shoe? Who, resisting or not, Lets you do as you will, With bathing and feeding, The long day to fill? Is that what you're thinking? Is that what you see? Then open your eyes, nurse, You're not looking at me. I'll tell you who I am As I sit here so still, As I do at your bidding, As I eat at your will. I'm a small child of ten With a father and mother, Brothers and sisters, Who love one another. A young girl of sixteen With wings on her feet Dreaming that soon now A lover she'll meet. A bride soon at twenty, My heart gives a leap, Remembering the vows That I promised to keep. At twenty-five now, I have young of my own, Who need me to guide And a secure happy home. A woman of thirty, My young now grown fast, Bound to each other With ties that should last. At forty, my young sons Have grown and are gone, But my man's beside me To see I don't mourn. At fifty once more, Babies play round my knee, Again we know children, My loved one and me. Dark days are upon me, My husband is dead, I look at the future, I shudder with dread. For my young are all rearing Young of their own, And I think of the years And the love that I've known. I'm now an old woman And nature is cruel; 'Tis jest to make old age Look like a fool. The body, it crumbles, Grace and vigor depart, There is now a stone Where I once had a heart. But inside this old carcass A young girl still dwells, And now and again, My battered heart swells. I remember the joys, I remember the pain, And I'm loving and living Life over again. I think of the years All too few, gone too fast, And accept the stark fact That nothing can last. So open your eyes, people, Open and see, Not a crabby old woman; Look closer . . . see ME!! Remember this poem when you next meet an old person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within .. . we will all, one day, be there, too! IT'S SOMETHING WE ALL NEED TO READ AND REMEMBER 8 Comments

10 Top Inventions Feb 28, 2007 12:38 am Mood: crazy, 1391 Views 1) The water-proof towel 2) Solar powered flashlight 3) Submarine screen door 4) A book on how to read 5) Inflatable dart board 6) A dictionary index 7) Ejector seat in a helicopter 8.) Powdered water 9) Pedal-powered wheel chair ) 10) Water-proof tea bag What great ideas! D'oh 7 Comments

Relieve of Life Feb 22, 2007 10:35 pm Mood: happy, 1264 Views Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. That's what happend yesterday. Silly pigeon Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. Now I know why people have a problem understanding what I say Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. I'm a speed reader Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker. I know, my mother just called my cell while driving Eat and live today in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day. Have always been a great believer in having a good breakfasts If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. Or just keep quiet. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. Thank God he lives in a different country ...~ It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. My children definately got that message right Never buy a car you can't push. You might need to carry it one day Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on. Same applies to your head Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. What others think is their problem no mine. Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late. The second mouse gets the cheese. Love to share my cheddar with my friends When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. No kidding I just thought they wanted to get close to me bcos of my pretty face, hehe Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live. Now ... how will I remember that You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person. Oh ... I am so many worlds Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once. Oh don't I know that ' Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. Always Smiling looks so much prettier anyway . A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. That is something I always do Got lost so many times while driving, but discovered places I didn't know exist . We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box. The same with people ... but we should all accept each one for what they are ... just crayons . Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open. My front door is always open ... That's probably WHY . Yawning is contagious, just like smiling. But smiling looks so much more pleasant So keep that smile on your face 4 Comments

INSTALLING HUSBAND 1.0 Feb 22, 2007 9:19 pm Mood: happy, 1118 Views Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Desperate Dear Desperate: First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package. While Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command:"http: I Thought You Loved Me.HTML" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad progra m t hat will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7. ' Just received this from my dear friend and thought of sharing it with you 2 Comments

Perusing The Personals .... Feb 22, 2007 12:33 am Mood: crazy, 1015 Views This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal. SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call onetowthreefourfive no six and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting.... Scroll down... . . . Keep going .... . . . Just a little more . . . . 0 Comments

Perusing the Personals... Feb 22, 2007 12:25 am Mood: beautiful, 1065 Views 4 Comments

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