Who Came First? Apr 19, 2009 8:14 am 748 Views A computer scientist, a surgeon, and a civil engineer were gathered at the pub. The surgeon boasts, "Surgery is the oldest technology in the world! It's in the Bible. God removed Adam's rib while he slept. This is clear evidence that surgery pre-dates all other technological endeavors!" Without so much as a beat, the civil engineer says, "Well, before that, God formed the Earth, the stars, and everything from nothing but chaos. He created rivers, mountians and oceans. This was clear evidence that civil engineering pre-dates all other technological endeavors." Not to be outdone, the computer scientist points out, "Yes, but where do you think the Chaos came from?" 9 Comments

*** Last Rites *** Mar 26, 2009 10:27 am 818 Views A lawyer was on his deathbed in his bedroom, and he called to his wife. She rushed in and said, "What is it, honey?" He told her to run and get the bible as soon as possible. Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea. She ran and got it, prepared to read him his favorite verse or something of the sort. He snatched it from her and began quickly scanning pages, his eyes darting right and left. The wife was curious, so she asked, "What are you doing, honey?" He shouted back: "I'm looking for loopholes!" That's what I call Optimism 8 Comments

The Gifted ones Mar 14, 2009 7:43 am 939 Views Some people have the gift of finding the negative in every positive 11 Comments

Words of Wisdom Feb 23, 2009 7:07 pm Mood: calm, 1000 Views Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation for 'tis better to be alone than in bad company. - George Washington Be courteous to all, but intimate with few; and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. - George Washington Our cause is noble; it is the cause of mankind! - George Washington It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one. - George Washington To be prepared for War is one of the most effectual means of preserving peace. - George Washington True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation. - George Washington I hope I shall always possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain what I consider the most enviable of all titles, the character of an "Honest Man." - George Washington Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire, called conscience. - George Washington It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a Free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even of his personal services to the defense of it. - George Washington Government is not reason, it is not eloquence, it is force; like fire, a troublesome servant and a fearful master. Never for a moment should it be left to irresponsible action. - George Washington The time is near at hand which must determine whether Americans are to be free men or slaves. - George Washington How soon we forget history.- George Washington If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter. - George Washington Liberty, when it begins to take root, is a plant of rapid growth. - George Washington 9 Comments

Anyone 4 Icecream? Jan 28, 2009 2:30 am 1342 Views Sunday Morning Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having $ex would surely be asking for trouble "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along. . ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding dingaling 21 Comments

New Year's Customs Dec 31, 2008 10:10 am Mood: Happy, 1159 Views Traditionally, it was thought that one could affect the luck they would have throughout the coming year by what they did or ate on the first day of the year. For that reason, it has become common for folks to celebrate the first few minutes of a brand new year in the company of family and friends. Parties often last into the middle of the night after the ringing in of a new year. It was once believed that the first visitor on New Year's Day would bring either good luck or bad luck the rest of the year. It was particularly lucky if that visitor happened to be a tall dark-haired man. Traditional New Year foods are also thought to bring luck. Many cultures believe that anything in the shape of a ring is good luck, because it symbolizes "coming full circle," completing a year's cycle. For that reason, the Dutch believe that eating donuts on New Year's Day will bring good fortune. Many parts of the U.S. celebrate the new year by consuming black-eyed peas. These legumes are typically accompanied by either hog jowls or ham. Black-eyed peas and other legumes have been considered good luck in many cultures. The hog, and thus its meat, is considered lucky because it symbolizes prosperity. Cabbage is another "good luck" vegetable that is consumed on New Year's Day by many. Cabbage leaves are also considered a sign of prosperity, being representative of paper currency. In some regions, rice is a lucky food that is eaten on New Year's Day. The song, "Auld Lang Syne," playing in the background, is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year. At least partially written by Robert Burns in the 1700's, it was first published in 1796 after Burns' death. Early variations of the song were sung prior to 1700 and inspired Burns to produce the modern rendition. An old Scotch tune, "Auld Lang Syne" literally means "old long ago," or simply, "the good old days." Happy New Year to all my friends here 8 Comments

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