TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY BE A MATTER OF CONCERN Feb 19, 2006 7:10 pm Mood: amused, 1097 Views TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY BE A MATTER OF CONCERN A first standard teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first standard. My sister is in the third standard and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third standard too!" The teacher had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first standard and behave. The teacher agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agrees to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry: "9". Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry: "36". And so it went with every question the principal thought a third standard should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third standard." The teacher says to the principal, "Hold on, let me ask him some questions" The principal and Harry both agree. The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Harry, "Legs." Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal starts sweating. Harry "Pockets." Now no reactions or special face symbols dot Harry's face. He remains absolutely cool! Teacher: What starts with a C & ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid? Harry: Coconut The principal's eyes open really wide, Harry was taking charge. Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky? Harry: Bubblegum Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog on three legs? Harry: Shake hands Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, answer me. Harry (unfazed): Shoot. Teacher: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. Harry: tent Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. Principal gets restless and a bit tensed. Harry: wedding ring Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. Harry: nose Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. Harry: arrow The principal breathing a sigh of relief shouted at the teacher, "Put Harry in the 5th standard, I missed the last ten questions myself." 1 comment

ONE PARAGRAPH THAT EXPLAINS LIFE! Feb 17, 2006 6:21 pm Mood: beautiful, 1136 Views Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983. From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed: "Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease"? To this Arthur Ashe replied: The world over -- 5 crore children start playing tennis, 50 lakh learn to play tennis, 5 lakh learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam, 50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals, When I was holding a cup I never asked GOD "Why me?". And today in pain I should not be asking GOD "Why me?" Happiness keeps u Sweet, Trials keep u Strong, Sorrow keeps u Human, Failure Keeps u Humble, Success keeps u Glowing, But only God Keeps u Going..... Keep Going..... 1 comment

The Difference between Focusing on Problems and Focusing on Solutions Feb 16, 2006 2:26 am Mood: okay, 1211 Views The Difference between Focusing on Problems and Focusing on Solutions Case 1 When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (ink won't flow down to the writing surface). To solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million. They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.. And what did the Russians do...?? They used a pencil. Case 2 One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soap box, which happened in one of Japan's biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soap box that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the package! d boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soap box went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem.... Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soap boxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent a whoopee amount to do so.. But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc. but instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line He switched the fan on, and as each soap box passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line. Moral Always look for simple solutions. Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problems 3 Comments

SOFT ware engineer Feb 15, 2006 9:10 pm Mood: cheerful, 1187 Views An ambitious software engineer finally decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life. At least for a while. A hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship went down and was lost instantly. The man found himself swept up on the shores of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. Used to five-star hotels, this guy had no idea what to do. So, for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice, longed for his old life, and fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship. One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. It was a rowboat, and in it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen. She rowed up to him. In disbelief, he asked her: "Where did you come from, and how did you get here?" "I rowed from the other side of the island," she said. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank." "Amazing," the software engineer said, "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many of you are there? You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you." "It's only me," she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up: nothing did." He was confused, "Then how did you get the rowboat?" "Oh, simple," replied the woman. "I made it out of raw material that I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum-tree branches, I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a eucalyptus tree." "But, but, that's impossible," stuttered the man. "You had no tools or hardware - how did you manage?" "Oh, that was no problem," the woman said. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of exposed alluvial rock. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that to make tools, and used the tools to make the hardware. But enough of that. Where do you live?" Sheepishly, the man confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach the whole time. "Well, let's row over to my place then," she said. After a few minutes of rowing, she docked the boat at a small wharf. As the man looked onto shore, he nearly fell out of the boat. Before him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope,the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walked into the house, she said casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like to have a drink?" "No, no, thank you," he said, still dazed. "I couldn't drink another drop of coconut juice." "It's not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have made a still - How about a Pinacolada?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, the software engineer accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to have a shower and a shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom." No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow-ground edge were fastened to its tip, inside a swivel mechanism. "This woman is absolutely amazing," he mused. "What next?" When he returned, the woman greeted him. She beckoned for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she began suggestively, slithering closer to him, brushing her leg against his, "We've both been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing to do for all of these months." She stared into his eyes. He couldn't believe what he was hearing - this was like all of his dreams coming true in one day. "You mean...," he replied, "I can check my e-mail from here?" 3 Comments

Right or Wrong Feb 15, 2006 12:28 am Mood: confused, 1311 Views # The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius. # I say no to drugs they just don't listen # A friend in need is a pest indeed. # Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce. # Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time. # When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane. # Born free taxed to death. # Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film. # Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first. # Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking. # If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants. # The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it. # In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills? # If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure. # If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one? # Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon! # Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups. # The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker. ... 6 Comments

Valentine for every one Feb 14, 2006 12:46 am Mood: beautiful, 1279 Views 1.To My Friends Who Are...........SINGLE Love is like a butterfly . The more you chase it , the more it eludes you. But if you just let it fly, it will come to you when you least expect it. Love can make you happy but often it hurts , but love's only special when you give it to someone who is really worth it. So take your time and choose the best. 2.To My Friends Who Are............NOT SO SINGLE Love isn't about becoming somebody else's "perfect person." It's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be. Never say "I love you" if you don't care. Never talk about feelings if they aren't there. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart . Never look in the eye when all you do is lie. The cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall and it works both ways... 3.To My Friends Who Are............MARRIED Love is not about "it's your fault", but "I'm sorry." Not "where are you", but "I'm right here." Not "how could you", but "I understand." Not "I wish you were", but "I'm thankful you are." 4.To My Friends Who Are............ENGAGED The true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together but how good you are for each other. 5.To My Friends Who Are............HEARTBROKEN Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them . 6.To My Friends Who Are............NAIVE How to be in love: Fall but don't stumble, be consistent but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, and get hurt but never keep the pain. 7.To My Friends Who Are............POSSESSIVE It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you. 8.To My Friends Who Are............AFRAID TO CONFESS Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel. 9.To My Friends Who Are............STILL HOLDING ON A sad thing about life is when you meet someone and fall in love, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and that you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it. If he isn't worth it now he's not going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now. Let go..... 10.TO ALL MY FRIENDS....... My wish for you is a man/woman whose love is honest, strong, mature , never-changing, uplifting, protective, encouraging, rewarding and unselfish. ANYWAY I WISH U ALL A GOODLUCK The more you give, the more you receive .. 4 Comments

No criticism (Just for fun) Feb 10, 2006 10:43 pm Mood: confused, 1328 Views These are Girls ads taken from shaadi.com These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spell errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart! Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ - Hello To Viewvers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male, If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls viset my resident or send u letter.. Thanks yours Regards Sowmya ~*~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework (Homework?) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Wants a man who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. he may never create any difficulties in my life or his life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you (The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ he should be good looking and should have a service.he Shoulsd have one brother and one sister. he should be educated. (ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on........ hold my hand forever !!! (The dilwale dulhaniya effect) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ i am simple girl.I have lot ofproblemin mylife because ofmylucknow i am looking oneboyhe caremeandloveme lot lot lot (I don't know why but this is one of my favorites) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My husband should be as 'Shiva' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as in KSBKBT...... (Ok I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure she must be demanding too much, ain't he?) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast (by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD. 2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH. (all of us are loughing{laughing}) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would bde called the man of the lamp (I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok (I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome") ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK (the "ok syndrome" again) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and fater&mother sister complity marred (somebody please explain in comments section how to get married'completely'?) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent. i am doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist. (actually what is this girl doing? Postal service or tailor.??) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes (height of desperation! J ) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Iwant one boy who love me or my mother. he love me heartly or he havea frank he's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey. IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but iam not a handsome girl or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good girl. My father already expired . iam''AEKLAUTA''. THE CHOICE IS YOUR. bye bye. (uttama purishinin) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred. (No comments) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT. (maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily.i divorced my first husband.his charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ... (but credit cards not accepted..???) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service (Zebra..???) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ i'm looking out for who lives in bombay, boy simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY. (Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ to be married on jan-2005. working man perferable (this girl has fixed the marriage date too! But she is yet to find a bridegroom. I wish her best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure she will get one soon.) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ i would like a beautyfull boy. and i do not want his any treasure. because boy is the maharaja. (Now he is going to be a lucky boy! Any takers?) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not paying salary at present. (Any takers again?) 4 Comments

WHY SCARIFICES ARE OFTEN FORGOTTEN Feb 10, 2006 12:13 am Mood: disappointed, 1290 Views During The Attack on Akshardham temple on 24th September 2002 this Brave Man fought the greatest battle of his life. Yes he was the N.S.G. Commando Late Mr. Surjan Singh, who sacrificed his life for the Nation. Sadly On 19th May 2004 he lost the Toughest and Longest battle against life exactly after 600 Days being in Coma, he lost this life. The Bullet which hit him in the head made him Unconscious for almost 600 days. His family members were hoping that one day their Hero will open his eyes but he didn't. It was the Longest Wait for the family members of this Brave Man. When the whole India was busy in Guessing Who will be the Next PM of the country - Will it be Sonia or will it be Manmohan Singh, This man was fighting his Last battle. But it's so sad that in the hype of all the Political Drama, the News about his Death was Lost like a needle in a hay stack! Even the leading News Papers & So Called Best News Channels of India which Works on 24 X 7 basis, failed to highlight this story of the Brave Man. Unfortunately it was mentioned somewhere on the middle page of some newspaper.....This was the Reward for the Brave task for which he lost his life. Besides his Family members, only one thing was there with him during those toughest 600 days. It was there near his bed till the last Moment. Can you guess what it was?............... It was the "Tiranga", yes! Our National Flag, which was saluting him for his Great cause. Absolutely No words can suffice our Gratitude towards him... If news papers refuse to cover, TV channels refuse to cover, let us do our bit. Please tell about this mail to as many people as you can. This is the only way we can salute his Bravery... Please show your respect for such brave INDIANS 1 comment

Why English is tough Feb 6, 2006 2:31 am Mood: crazy, 1369 Views Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn. 1. The bandage was wound around the wound. 2. The farm was used to produce produce. 3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse. 4. We must polish the Polish furniture. 5. He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10. I did not object to the object. 11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row. 13. They were too close to the door to close it. 14. The buck does funny things when does are present. 15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18. After a number of injections my jaw got number. 19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. 20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? 2 Comments

superb engleese jus enjoy..... Feb 1, 2006 12:45 am Mood: perky, 1476 Views Okhil-babu's letter to the Railway Department Okhil Chandra Sen wrote this letter to the Sahibganj divisional railway office in 1909. It is on display at the Railway Museum in New Delhi. It was also reproduced under the caption "Travelers' Tales" in the Far Eastern Economic Review. "I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too much swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I doing the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for train to go off and I am running with lotah in one hand and dhoti in the next when I am fall over and expose all my shocking to man and female women on platform. I am got leaved at Ahmedpur station. This too much bad, if passenger go to make dung that dam guard not wait train five minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honor to make big fine on that guard for public sake. Otherwise I am making big report to papers." Any guesses why this letter was of historic value? It apparently led to introduction of toilets in trains 1 comment

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