Joke: Confucius Says ... Aug 11, 2007 10:49 am Mood: naughty, 1707 Views “Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.” “Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time.” “Man who kisses girl’s behind, gets crack in face.” “Man who live in glass house, dress in basement.” “Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.” “Sailor who gets discharged from navy leave buddies behind.” “Woman is like jazz music, 3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag time.” “He who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser.” “Man who tell one to many light bulb jokes soon burn out!” “Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary.” “Man with no legs bums around.” “Baby ill-conceived in automatic car shiftless bastard.” “A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.” “Find old man in dark, not hard!” “Man who smoke pot choke on handle.” “Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.” “Girl who marry detective must kiss dick.” “Girl who is wallflower at party is dandelion in bed.” “Passionate kiss like spider’s web … soon lead to undoing of fly.” “Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk.” “Wife who put husband in dog house soon find him in cat house.” “Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.” “It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.” “Man who bounce woman on bedspring this spring, have offspring next spring.” “A man with his hands in pockets feels foolish, but a man with holes in pockets feels nuts.” “Honeymooning campers have one intent!” “Man who sells Kotex, is crack salesman.” “Man who lay girl on hill not on level.” “Man with athletic finger make broad jump.” “Virgin like balloon: one prick, all gone.” “Man who plays with titty gets bust in mouth.” “Woman pilot who fly upside down have crack up.” “Man who lays girl in field gets piece on earth.” “Man who have hole in pocket feels cocky all day.” “Man who screws cook in pantry often gets ass in jam.” “He who fish in other mans well often catches crabs.” “Girl who douches with vinegar walk around with sour puss.” “Boy who goes to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.” “Girl should not marry basketball player: he dribbles before he shoots.” “He who chase car will get exhausted.” “Man who lose key to girl friends apartment, no get nukie.” “Hooker with bike pedal ass all over town.” “He who stand on toilet, high on pot.” “Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.” “All men eat, but Fu Manchu.” “Before becoming master fisherman, must be master baiter.” “Boy fool with girl in wrong period get caught red handed.” “Boy who diddle little girl do diddly squat.” “Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy.” “He who eat cookie in bed, will wake up feeling crumby.” “He who eat ice cream in car is a Sundae Driver.” “He who eat too many prunes, sit on toilet many moons.” “He who masturbates in front of cash register come into money.” “He who pull out too fast leave rubber behind.” “He who put face in punch bowl get punch in nose.” “He who stick head in open window get pane in neck.” “He who stick head in oven get baked bean.” “Hockey player on ice have big stick.” “House without toilet, uncanny.” “If you turn an oriental around, he become disoriented.” “If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient.” “Is good to learn how to masturbate, may come in handy!” “Man kicked in testicles, left holding bag.” “Man who abuse his computer get bad bytes!” “Man who drive like hell bound to get there!” “Man who drop watch in whisky is wasting time.” “Man who eat photo of father, soon spitting image of father.” “Man fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.” “Man who have circumcision lose a bit of foresight.” “Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion!” “Man who masturbate only screwing self.” “Man who put cock on stove have hot rod.” “Man who read woman like book, prefer braille!” “Man who sit on hot stove will rise again.” “Man who sit on tack get point!” “Man who sleep in cat house by day, in doghouse by night” “Man who sucks nipples makes clean breast of things.” “Man with forked tongue not need chop sticks.” “Man with hand in bush not necessarily trimming shrubs.” “Squirrel who runs up woman’s leg not find nuts.” “Woman who put detergent on top shelf, Jump for Joy.” “Woman who wear G-string, high on crack! 5 Comments

Tag... Zinnia69 and Blow77 Aug 9, 2007 11:04 pm Mood: thankful, 1798 Views Thanks rach for tagging me.. that also along with Breezy well about me. 5 things.. hmmm well i don't have much.. let me try 1.. I like green color 2.. I love coffee 3.. I love all the girls on IFF who like me flirt with me and take me as their friend. 4.. some one told me that she loves me.. it has happened to me after a period of 9 long years.. 5.. I am not a liar to anyone.. I want to be the way i am with every one here. I love you all by heart. And i don't want any of my friend leave me. 10 Comments

WHY~~~ Aug 9, 2007 9:08 am 2007 Views eagles4 Why No one reads his post?.. Why do no one comments on what he writes?.. Please tell No Intension to hurt any one.. if some one feels bad no need to tell me about it.. you may send your complaints to casty. Cuz he is Birdie Cuz he is kabootar Cuz he is Sissy man Cuz he is not what he pretends to be Cuz he is un understandable Cuz he is casty's adopted son ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cuz he is eagles not human (lol) 23 Comments , 18 votes

My Wish (Anamika 76)~~ Aug 3, 2007 8:24 am Mood: Thankfull, 2117 Views Each year your birthday reminds me That I really want to say I’m very glad I know you; On your birthday, I wish for you the fulfillment of all your fondest dreams. I hope that for every candle on your cake you get a wonderful surprise. I wish for you that whatever you want most in life, it comes to you, just the way you imagined it, or better. I hope you get as much pleasure from our friendship as I do. I wish we were sisters, so I could have known you from the beginning. I look forward to enjoying our friendship for many more of your birthdays. I'm so glad you were born, because you brighten my life and fill it with joy. Happy Birthday!Anamika76 @}---;-----;--- 14 Comments

Sanjay Dutt gets six years in jail~~~~ Jul 31, 2007 1:46 am 2529 Views The special TADA court on Tuesday sentenced film actor Sanjay Dutt to six years in jail for his role in 1993 Mumbai blasts case. His bail bond also stands cancelled, Times Now reported. Earlier, Judge PD Kode on Tuesday refused to examine the probation report of Sanjay Dutt and two friends, Times Now reported. “Their crime is not a minor offence. They committed an imminently dangerous act,” the channel quoted Judge Kode as saying. I personally feel that yes he should be punished for the offence and shall be treated equally in the eyes of law. what do you all think,,, 5 years is justified? do you think you should be have been relieved? He already had 16 months in jail. should have been relieved He made a crime and shall be punished for it according to indian law He is an actor and shall be given bit relief coz of his status.. 6 years is less 27 Comments , 27 votes

Signs You’re Really Broke~~~~~~* Jul 28, 2007 5:25 am Mood: Broke, 1365 Views ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * American Express calls and says: “Leave home without it!” * Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a fine restaurant. * You’re formulating a plan to rob the food bank. * You’ve rolled so many pennies, you’ve formed a psychic bond with Abe. * Long distance companies no longer call you to switch. * Your credit card companies raised the rates from 6.9% to 24.9%. * You see your roommate as a large fried chicken in tennis shoes. * You receive care packages from Europe. * Your bologna has no first name. * You rob Peter…and then rob Paul. * You finally clean your house, hoping to find change. * You think of a lottery ticket as an investment. * You give blood everyday - for the orange juice. * McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments. * Consumer Credit Counseling services said “No.” * The neighborhood dog stopped sniffing at your pockets. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1 comment

Shopping For A Man~~ Jul 21, 2007 9:47 pm Mood: curious, 1283 Views Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems. Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why. Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. “Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?” “OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?” Again, no one knows why. Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why. Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn’t have invented Jockey shorts. Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips. Rule #6: Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer. Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I’m told they do not stink - they are earthy. Rule #8: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. “Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink.” You get the idea. No one knows why. Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required” on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. Rule #10: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sear’s Clearance Centers are also excellent men’s stores. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know what it is. “From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn’t this a starter for a ‘68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.”) Rule #11: Men enjoy danger. That’s why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. “Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?” Rule #12: Tickets to a Red Wing/Lions/Pistons/Tigers game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to “A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts.” Everyone knows why. Rule #13: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don’t know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker. Rule #14: It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why. Rule #15: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8″ manila rope. No one knows why. 3 Comments

Credit Card Jul 19, 2007 9:02 am Mood: contemplative, 1350 Views Just couldn't resist posting this "joke" which in many ways reflects the reality of today. I am sure, almost everybody here has been harassed by a bank wanting to thrust their card into your wallet even if you didn't want it and have had harrowing experiences. Please do feel free to post some of your terrible experiences in the comments. Thanks in advance. --------------------------------------------- So you have received a credit card application? You know what it says, but do know what it really means? What it says: “You have demonstrated financial responsibility…” What it means: You’re breathing! What it says: “Our membership is difficult to obtain…” What it means: Death row prisoners are not eligible… in most states! What it says: “We have shortened the application process…” What it means: “We need lots of new members fast or we’ll go out of business!” What it says: “You have no predetermined credit limit…” What it means: “We’re not worried, we employ the Break Your Legs collection agency.” What it says: “Exceptional Customer Service…” What it means: Except when you need it! What it says: “Trained customer representatives await your call…” What it means: “This is the part you talk into, and this is where you listen. Any questions?” What it says: “To apply for membership, fill out this short form…” What it means: You’ll get the long form later. What it says: “You may direct us not to share this information with anyone else…” What it means: “Catch us, if you can!” What it says: “We look forward to receiving your completed application…” What it means: “We baited the hook, let’s see if anyone bites!” What it says: “You’ve been pre-approved…” What it means: “You’ve been pre-approved to be Rejected!” or “We’ve already prepared your letter of denial.” 1 comment

A to Z Jul 13, 2007 4:29 am Mood: cheerful, 1376 Views A--Accept Accept others for who they are and for the choices they've made even if you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or actions. B--Break Away Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life. C--Create Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows, and happiness with. D--Decide Decide that you'll be successful and happy come what may, and good things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along the way. E--Explore Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have much to give. And every time you try something new, you'll learn more about yourself. F--Forgive Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappiness and grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone makes mistakes. G--Grow Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or stand in your way. H--Hope Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long as you remain dedicated to the task. I--Ignore Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a small inkling of what the future holds. J--Journey Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded. Try to learn something new every day, and you'll grow. K--Know Know that no matter how bad things seem, they'll always get better. The warmth of spring always follows the harshest winter. L--Love Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your heart, there's room for nothing else, but when love is in your heart, there's room for endless happiness. M--Manage Manage your time and your expenses wisely, and you'll suffer less stress and worry. Then you'll be able to focus on the important things in life. N--Notice Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak, or suffering. Offer your assistance when possible, and always your kindness and understanding. O--Open Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during the worst of times, there's still much to be thankful for. P--Play Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing without happiness. Q--Question Ask many questions, because you're here to learn. R--Relax Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that things always have a way of working out in the end. S--Share Share your talent, skills, knowledge, and time with others. Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times over. T--Try Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You'll be amazed by what you can accomplish. U--Use Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that's wasted has no value. Talent that's used will bring unexpected rewards. V--Value Value the friends and family members who've supported and encouraged you, and be there for them as well. W--Work Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a second chance. X--X-Ray Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you'll see the goodness and beauty within. Y--Yield Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated, you'll find success at the end of the road. Z--Zoom Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly head. Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your abilities, your dreams, and a brighter tomorrow. 7 Comments

ENOUGH OF SARDARS .. now enjoy this lungi. Jul 2, 2007 12:53 am Mood: melancholy, 1574 Views Name the wonly part of the werld where Malayalis don't werk hard? -Kerala .. Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala? -Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re- tying the lungi. Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket? -To go to Thoobai, to meet his ungle in the Gelff. Why do Malayali's go to the Gelff? -To yearn menney. What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire? -He zimbly jembd out of the vindow. What is a Malayali management graduate called? -Yem Bee Yay. Why did his wife divorce him? -Because he was louwing another woman. Who found out that? -His andy. What does a Malayali do when he goes to America? -He changes his name from "Karunakaran" to Kevin Curren. What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday? -An Oto. Who is Malayali's fyamous yeactor end yaectress? -Moghan lal, Mammooti, Geedha, Revadhi, Zilgsmidha end Ambiga. Why Arab countreis are looking for only Keralites? -They are ready to do yennything for menney. How does a Malayali say MPEG ? -MBEG SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: You should atleast send this to: 10 Malayalis & you will receive cokknut oil, 20 Malayalis and you will receive bennena chips, 40 Malayalis you will receive appams, 100 Malayalis and you will get free land near the rice field behind the lungi factory with additional incentive of a whole month's supply of cokknut oil and bennena chips free. AND IF YENNY MALAYALI GETZ YENGRY AOFTER READING THIS IT WILL PROVE THAT THIS YIS ALL CORRECT 11 Comments

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