Try n Make Your Relationship New Again.... Its Wonderful.... Nov 18, 2009 3:44 am Mood: content, 65 Views Relationships are generally seen as our main source of support, love, self esteem, enthusiasm and pleasure. Naturally there are differences of degree and type when we look at our relationships with friends, coworkers and acquaintances versus family members or someone we are intimately involved with in a love relationship. Many seek a permanent love relationship which they'd like to last throughout their life. In theory then, we should be exerting every effort in order to nurture and to perfect those relationships. Do we? Not usually. We may dream of the perfect relationship but actually putting in the time and effort seems beyond us as we struggle with all the details of day to day existence. Our relationships, then, often become sources of distress, anxiety and feelings of failure when they fail to meet our needs and expectations. Potentially even more damaging, they can become a source of a deep inner rage that can poison one's life. These are some of the dimensions of relationship problems. Certainly having a problem with a relationship isn't going to doom it to failure - every relationship has its problems. We are each individual and our needs and desires vary and are sometimes in conflict. How we deal with these inevitable problems, the effort we put in to resolve them and to allow space for our differences can determine whether a relationship succeeds or withers in misery and failure. Would you expect to become a great athlete without work? Learning how to have, nurture and protect a love relationship is work. Unfortunately we were not born knowing how to do it and often our early experiences were less than helpful in shaping our abilities to relate. The statistics on divorce are disheartening. To succeed in any relationship, we must make an effort to keep things intact. Taking our partner for granted, failing to see our partner as a unique and special individual is the beginning of the end. Merely hoping that things will be good is nonsense. What you do day by day to support, encourage and enrich your partner will help a relationship grow. Too many people simply go from one "relationship" to another seeking some perfect automatic solution that simply doesn't exist. We all know the excitement of a new love, the craziness and the powerful emotions of falling in love. Some become addicted to that newness and confuse it with being in love. They expect those feelings to endure and when those feelings fade, they seek to recapture them. But the only way to truly do that is in a new relationship. We do not see clearly, we do not know our partner as we are falling in love, To build a relationship that will last over time, the couple must move beyond falling in love toward being in love. This is a much more conscious process and requires some work and understanding. It requires an ability to share and to recognize the unique value of the other person. It requires building experiences and feelings and activities in common. All of this takes time and as time passes, we have a tendency to start taking our partner and our relationship for granted. Our responses become automatic. We hardly even see the other person any more. We have reduced everything to a dull habit. And that is a major relationship killer. The same way you can drive a familiar route without even consciously seeing the street, the other cars, or the people on the sidewalks, your relationship turns invisible. There's no way a short article like this can cover every aspect of building a successful relationship. Nor can it describe every problem. After all, every one of you is a unique person and your relationships all have their own unique qualities. What I want to stress is that letting your relationship turn into a routine, letting it become a habit is one of the very worst things you can do. Look for opportunities to do new things together, explore each other's ideas and beliefs. Take your partner seriously and pay attention to everything. Force yourself to see, really see, your partner again. Regain a sense of play, fool around with each other again. Flirt and tease. Does it sound absurd? It might, but if you want a love relationship that lasts, you must make the effort. Starting right now. Love You All……. Rahul 0 Comments

Step Away And Distance Yourself ... It Helps......... Nov 18, 2009 3:41 am Mood: content, 67 Views When clients ask me what I think they should do about a particular situation, I might often say to them "What do you think you should do?" If they respond with "I don't know" I then ask the question, "What would you do if you did know?". That almost always works and they provide the solution. We have more objectivity available to us than we know when it comes to decision making. Often it's purely a matter of asking the right questions to gain access to the answers that are right for us. Another one of those powerful questions is "What would you do if you knew that you could not fail?” It takes away those doubt thoughts that creep in the moment we come up with a vision for a successful future. These kinds of questions put you in a different state of mind and make you take a look at the situation from a whole other perspective. An exercise that I sometimes ask clients to do is to write a letter, filled with many questions, to the "guru” of their issue. That is, if they're grappling with a business problem, write to a business expert, or if it is relationship related, write to a relationship guru. Once the letter is written, send it to your own address. Put the issue aside and out of your mind until you receive that letter a few days later in your mailbox. Receive the letter and open it as though you are the expert who as just opened their mail. Pretend that you receive mail like this every day from hundreds of people around the world. You 'are' the expert and know a great deal about this topic plus you 'have' a history of experience in dealing with these issues because you have helped thousands of people who have the very same questions and concerns. Write a response to the letter from that perspective and objectively. Remain detached from the fact that this is your personal issue - remember, a perfect stranger has just mailed this letter. Once you (the guru/expert) has replied fully to the letter, send it in the mail. Once more, to your own address. Again, disregard the issue and allow your subconscious to do with it what it will over the period that the letter is in transit back to you. Upon receipt of the expert's reply back in your own mail box, either completely take action on the advice given in the letter or finally decide that it's all too hard and choose to not take action in this area of your life at all. Exercises like this one, or particular question techniques, can support with removing us from the issue at hand and give an ability to look at it from a distance so that we can relate to it more objectively and in a detached manner. Most times we are too close to something and cannot see wood for trees or we have past-based thoughts tied in with a current scenario. Find any way that you can to take yourself away from that kind of mind-play and allow yourself to be ruthlessly honest about what your next step needs to be….. Love You All……. Rahul 0 Comments

Are they really True Friends ????? Nov 15, 2009 7:18 am Mood: contemplative, 147 Views There are some people out there who are pretend to be your true friends, but are they ???? These are some signs of a true friend!!!! again these are my personal views and who am I anyways to say these are hard n fast rules...... but here goes......... True real friendships are hard to come by. That is why you need to know the meanings and signs of a true real friendship. It is extremely important to know your true real friends. As you read on below, try and picture your 'true real friends' and try and decide whether are they as true and as real as you think they are. Everyone has friends and need friends. People that we interact with everyday in school, at work, in the same apartment, at the gym, the list goes on. But I always believe in quality, not quantity. I would rather have a few bestest true friends than a million regular friends. Everyone is different and have different perspectives on true friendships but there are some fundamentals for a true friendship that you can't overlook. Firstly, this person or true friend needs to give you a huge sense of trust. You need to see this person and go, "I trust him and want to share everything with this person." Can you trust him with your secrets? Trust him with your girlfriend or boyfriend? Trust him with your problems or embarrasing moments? These are all things ot take note of. It ain't easy to feel this way about someone but I have found such friends, and I believe that it is possible for you to find a true friend you can call your own. Secondly, imagine it's 3 in the morning. You met with something unfortunate, let's say your car broke down. You think of all the 'friends' that you have and you slowly make a note of who will actually help you. Finally you settled on someone who might help and called him or her. What would his or her response be? Irritation? Frustration? Or someone who will sacrifice their sleep to get out of bed to either pick you up or assist you by giving you a list of numbers which you can get for help. Let's say it's something serious. You really really need someone to talk to in the middle of the night, you're so desperate you need someone to talk to. Will your 'friend' be that someone? A true friend would, no matter how tired they are. Another sign would be that you will never get tired of a true friend's company. And vice versa. You all can remain silent and will not feel awkward about it. It sounds very much like a fairy tale but it is true. They will never ever judge you as well. No matter what you did, that person would be there beside you, and correct you if you are really in the wrong, but he or she will never judge you and gossip about you behind your back. A true friend loves without condition and will not expect anything in return. Of course this gets a little complicated with the opposite sex. It is a fact that when a male and a female gets closer, one of them is bound to start wondering if things can be developed further. The trouble comes in when only one of them is feeling this way. For example, the other party might start expecting to be loved back or might expect you to feel the same way about them. Attraction is tricky business. Therefore, this is one thing that one must be aware of, so that you will know how to handle it when it comes. Love You All…………… Rahul 3 Comments

A New Day Nov 15, 2009 3:25 am Mood: drained, 135 Views The sun has begun to set and I hang up the smile I've worn all day. Though I will make sure it is the first thing I put back on in the morning because just in case it is 'that day,' I want her to see me at my very best. I do the normal routine, eat dinner, clean the house, write -- the usual stuff and then I lay down hoping to fall asleep quickly so my new day will hurry up and arrive. A new day with a brand new sun. But as I lay there and wait for the world to turn half way around, I think about her. And sometimes I smile, and sometimes that smile will turn into a snicker, and then often that snicker will turn into a burst of laughter. And then there are times I get that lump in my throat and that tight feeling in my chest, and sometimes that feeling overwhelms me and begins to turn into a tear, and often that tear multiplies itself and I can no longer fight the feeling and I lose the battle. Then somehow through either the joy or the sadness I drift and find myself asleep. Then the dreams begin and keep me company until my new day arrives. When I awake it's with such excitement! Because I tell myself this could be the day that every other day has led up to and the first day of the rest of my life. I quickly dawn my smile, because I do so want her to see me at my very best. Then I look out the window even though I know it's dawn, but I still have to confirm I've been given another chance to find her. And there it is ... the sun, even when it's cloudy; somehow I still see it. And it smiles at me and I say "thank you" and I smile back. Then I ask myself, "Is this the day?" And the excitement rushes over me again. And then I ask myself, "Where's it going to be?" Maybe it'll be at the water fountain and unexpectedly there I'll find her and much more than my thirst will be quenched. Maybe it'll be at the grocery store, and there she'll appear as I'm picking out fruit and she'll show me the difference between fresh and spoiled. Then from that moment, nothing that I will eat will ever taste the same. Because she'll bring out the simplest beauties in everything I see, taste, smell, hear, or touch. Or maybe today will be the day when my Angel brings an item up to the cash register without its price tag. And as I wait behind this Angel with all the frustrated people who are in such a hurry about their busy lives, I will find myself with such blessed extra time. Just enough time to start a conversation with this beautiful vision standing behind me that I might not otherwise would have noticed. But because of a "price check on register 5," I was able to find her. So will today be the day I say, "THANK YOU GOD!" Thank you for the sun, which began my new day. Thank you for granting me the faith when I arose this morning that I would find her in this new day. But most of all, thank you for me not having to ever wait on another sunrise. Because whenever I want to see it, I will look at her and there it shall always be, in her eyes, she will forever hold it for me. She is my sunrise, my dawn, my new day. Love You All….. Rahul 0 Comments

Many Happy Returns of The Day Nov 8, 2009 3:06 pm Mood: content, 109 Views Because today's so special it really wouldn't do, to send one simple birthday wish to last the whole year through... So this wishes happy moments, a day when dreams come true, and a year that's filled with all the things that mean the most to you. Hope all that you do Turns out happy for you And all that you wish Comes your way, So each hour will bring Every wonderful thing You could ask of a wonderful day May your birthday bring You as much happiness As you give to everyone Who knows you Happy Birthday Kareena......... 5 Comments

Time How It Changes Everything n Everybody.......... Nov 18, 2009 3:43 am Mood: content, 65 Views The clock ticks non-stop and the time passes by. Time used to pass even when the clocks were not there. What is time and how it affects us in our thoughts, shall we examine? Let us go to our childhood days. We were small kids. We had no worries, no need for inspiration and no goals. Our only goals were to find new ways to play and look at everything curiously. Everything has changed. Now our perception of life has changed totally. If we are in our youth or middle age, we are worried about many things. We have to plan for money. We have to set goals and achieve them. We are becoming passionate and frustrated with many things. On and on, we are changing. Why? Time has brought these changes. If you are an old person, go back to your formative years, then to youth, then to middle age and then now and think about how everything is changing. Technology is changing life, but that apart, our own thoughts are changing. As the outer world is changing, so is the inner world. The playful curiosity of childhood is long lost. The stamina and determination of youth is lost, the worried thinking of middle age is lost and all is replaced for most of the old people by thoughts of only a creaking body. The diary notes are less about attending parties and more about visiting doctors. The conversations are less about career and more about the joint pains. For a large old population, the body becomes the center. For a lucky few, mind becomes the center. They become very philosophical. Time is a constant that changes constantly. Nothing can stop it. But with changing times, we change. So the question is- who are we? Because if our body and our thoughts are undergoing changes at every moment, what is the constant in us other than our name? Nothing. This thought can bring a new perspective in our life. Why have fights, why be intolerant, why carry rigid positions, why worry so much, why suffer over losses and why do all this that we do. After all, time will change everything. When we buy anything new, we care so much for it. We look at that object with love and display it lovingly. Maybe a new dress or a new car, any such object. Slowly, as time passes, the object gets old and then gets discarded. That is life. If we keep this perspective in our life at all the times, it will bring a new peace in our mind. Keep a clock screensaver on your desktop or a screensaver on seasons, or one with clouds. These all will always remind us about the change that is taking place with every second. Remembering that thought during all the times can surely bring a sea change in our thoughts forever and that change will be good. Love You All……. Rahul 0 Comments

Acknowledging n Celebrating the Winds of Change Nov 17, 2009 2:33 am Mood: amused, 122 Views Is change something to celebrate? Often times when we think of change, fear is our first emotion. Most people do not like to think of change, because it feels like something out of our control. When you think of change what feelings come to mind; fear, doubt, anxiety, terror, dread, the unknown, unexpected, anger? Or do you look at change with feelings of; excitement, enthusiasm, anticipation, hopefulness, eagerness or even joy? You have probably heard the saying, "Change is the only constant in life.” Since change is constantly occurring, then we must learn how to accept it, and even learn to celebrate the changes. Understanding change will be your first step to celebrating change. Change has several faces. One face is Reactionary Change. This is the type of change that occurs suddenly, and therefore we must react. An example of this type of change could be an accident, a death, a sudden loss of a job, illness or a divorce. The change requires us to react and realign our life. Another face of change is Anticipatory Change. With this type of change you have advance warning, so you are able to anticipate the change. An example could be retirement, getting married, moving to a new city, or having a baby. This type of change allows us to plan for the effects on our life. And then there is the face of the Unknown Feeling Change. With this type of change, you may not know exactly why you want a change, you just know you want something different. An example of this type of change maybe choosing a new place to live, trying a new route instead of the normal route, or trying something new at your favorite restaurant. This type of change allows you to explore choices and options. The last face of change is Not Quite Right Change. With this type of change you feel that something is not quite right and that there could be something better. An example of this type of change may be deciding to redecorate the house, get a new car, or just make an improvement in your life. With this type of change you are seeking a change for the better. As we come face to face with change we will realize the impact on our life. Regardless of your emotional state surrounding the change, there will be an effect on your life. You may feel a fundamental change, which truly changes who you are at your core, your essence. Or you may encounter a revelatory change, an epiphany that gives you that "a-ha” or "light bulb moment" type of change. Or you may experience a habitual change, where you change a habit. With all change there is a process that occurs. The process doesn't necessarily happen in a specific order, but as you progress through the change you will typically experience each aspect. First you will realize that the change is occurring, although this may take some time to recognize. Once you recognize the change is occurring, you will have to factually disengage from the past. To do this you will need to see what the current state is, see there is a new way and accept that change is occurring. The most difficult process in change is emotionally disengaging from the past. You may realize there is a change but may not be accepting the change, and be yearning for 'how it used to be.' If you can see the anticipated end you will begin to process through the change and be on your way to the learning curve. This is where the opportunity begins. With each change there is the opportunity to learn and grow. Once you are completely through the change and on the other side you will internalize the lesson, and therein lies the true blessing of change. There is a goal oriented way of getting through the process of change which may help you move from fear of change to acceptance and celebration. The steps are: 1. Identify and define the change. 2. Communicate the results of the change. 3. Recognize what is NOT changing. 4. Remember your own greatness, strengths and qualities. 5. Identify the positive feeling the change will bring. 6. Make a new plan around the change. 7. Find a support network. If you focus on the positive aspects change can bring to your life, you may find the blessing and celebrate change. Even a difficult change offers us the opportunity to grow spiritually, and may open new paths that we could have never anticipated. Change is a blessing (sometimes in disguise.) Life is in a constant state of change. Learning to follow the steps outlined above will help make change easier and even enrich the process. The next time you face change, celebrate; a new you will be emerging! Love You All…… Rahul 2 Comments

Just Be How To Find The Present Moment Nov 16, 2009 2:43 pm Mood: drained, 125 Views Many people think that they're living in the present moment, but if you really stop to think...are you? What can you do to make sure that you're present? Here are some simple tips to get you in the moment...and get you living better because of it! First, try this. Pick a present moment and describe it. Describe everything about it. How does the air feel? Is there a certain smell in the air? How do your clothes feel as they touch each part of your body? Do you taste anything? What do you see? Notice everything that you're aware of. Begin every sentence with: 'Right now…' or 'At this moment…' or 'Here and now…'. Sometimes, you can have resistances to this exercise. So just notice and write down any difficulties or resistances that may arise. Be AWARE of these issues and put them aside. Now, transfer this exercise to...exercising! Think about your resistances to exercise, get in the present, and describe how you feel! If you don't know where to start, use these questions. Why did you start the exercise when you did? Were you tired? Angry? Did you go blank while doing it? Did you daydream or wander off? How long was it before your mind wandered off? Now what do you do to get back on track? The first thing that I like to do is use "stop thoughts." When you're having a negative or self- destructive thought, just tell yourself to STOP! Like the guru says, throw those negative thoughts into a mental blender and scramble them up! Sometimes I even write the thoughts in a journal and "capture" them in the closed book. Whatever helps you to move past these thoughts, do it! Get rid of them and move forward immediately. Get in the present and create the life that you want. Think of it like this…an hour from now is only a fantasy. And an hour ago is only a memory. The present is what you have to create now. Do it! IMPORTANT: When you do this "getting present" exercise, you don't have to do this sitting still. Do it at ANY time! If you think about it while taking a walk or even doing the dishes — DO IT! The more practice you get at being present, the better! BREATHE…CONTACT…CONNECT with the present moment! Anxiety is usually about tomorrow. But things like boredom, impatience, and annoyance can cause anxiety because you're preventing a full experience. Always acknowledge these feelings and the STOP them...and move on! I know it sounds basic, but it really is that simple! The only thing you can control is your own thoughts and reactions, so get to it! To re-acquire the full feeling of PRESENCE is an experience of tremendous impact. And you will definitely know it when you get there. Don't fear it…just BE with it. The present is your present!= Love You All…… Rahul 4 Comments

Knowing Your Success With Self Development Nov 16, 2009 5:39 am Mood: drained, 121 Views As an individual whose studied self development, I can tell you that there isn't a person I have met yet that isn't successful. In fact, there isn't a person who is not successful. Not only are you successful, but everyone you know and don't know are successful as well. You question this? That is natural. After all, you may not feel all that successful and at the very least, you don't consider most people you have known or seen successful. Yet, I still insist that everyone is successful no matter who they are and what they are doing. That is, without question, a fact. The question is not whether or not a person is successful; rather what they are being successful at. Remove the idea that success means that there is a positive outcome. Think more about success as the ability to follow through with behaviour to produce any outcome. A definition of success is "to end up with the intended result.” Nothing is ever achieved, good or bad, without successful behaviour. The results in our lives (be they positive or negative) take time to realize. No one walks into a gym and gets in shape the same day. Getting in shape requires that you develop successful behaviour towards the result of being in shape. First, the person makes a choice, either on a conscious or unconscious basis, which internalizes the decision to get in shape. Next, the person follows through with the behaviour, works out, and eats correctly so that over time the result of being in shape is realized. We consider the behaviour of getting in shape and producing that result a success. Conversely, the same is true about negative results. It takes successful behaviour to produce a negative outcome. Just as getting in shape takes time, an alcoholic does not become addicted the first time he or she has a drink. They internalize a decision either on a conscious or unconscious level and follow through with consistent behaviour that successfully results in alcoholism. Therefore, whether you are making money or not, either is a result of your successful behaviour. If you are in shape or overweight, both are successes. Whether you have a good or a bad relationship, a job you like or not, A's or F's in school, everything is a result of the choices you are making and each is a success in that regard. The importance of recognizing both your positive and negative results as successes means that you recognize that you do have the ability and power to produce results through successful behaviour. What this also means is that you know how to be successful. The problem is not your inability to be successful, but rather the choices you make in what you decide to be successful towards. This means that you do not need to learn how to be successful. You need to learn how to make different choices and then follow through with the successful behaviour you already know. Interestingly enough this applies equally to negative and positive behaviour. The most successful people you can think of in business, entertainment or other, often are not flourishing in other areas of their lives. One can have isolated success yet maintain a very unhappy or dissatisfied life. I often challenge people to decide to mirror their positive successful behaviour in all areas of their lives creating what I call a balanced successful life. You can achieve this through recognizing your successful behaviour and working towards positive outcomes and self-development. The guidance of a proper self development program can work as a roadmap to the life you want to create. I like to over simplify the idea of success and say that if you can put on a pair of shoes, then you are successful. In order to put on a pair of shoes a person has to first make a decision to do so, select the shoes they wish to put on then follow through with the behaviour to put on the shoes. Once the shoes are on, that person has produced a success. The question now is what shoes are you successfully deciding to walk through your life in? The truth is you can wear any shoes you choose! Love You All…… Rahul 0 Comments

A Little Family Story Nov 13, 2009 4:00 pm Mood: cranky, 74 Views A mouse looked through a crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife opening a package. What food might it contain? He was aghast to discover that it was a mouse trap. Retreating to the farmyard the mouse proclaimed the warning: "There is a mouse trap in the house, a mouse trap in the house!" The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Excuse me, Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it." The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mouse trap in the house, a mouse trap in the house!" "I am so very sorry Mr. Mouse," sympathized the pig, "but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured that you are in my prayers." The mouse turned to the cow. She said, "You say, Mr. Mouse. A mouse trap? Like I am in grave danger....NOT!" So the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mouse trap alone. That very night a sound was heard throughout the house, like the sound of a mouse trap catching its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see that it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife.. The farmer rushed her to the hospital. She returned home with a fever. Now everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient. His wife's sickness continued so that friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig. The farmer's wife did not get well and a few days later she passed away. So many people came for her funeral, that the farmer had the cow slaughtered, to provide meat for all of them to eat. So the next time you hear that someone is facing a problem and think that it does not concern you, remember that when the least of us is threatened, we all may be at risk. We are all one family on this planet Earth! Love You All………. Rahul 3 Comments

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