We are living in a regressive society where the easiest game we play is the Blame Game. We are always readt to blame others for our misfortunes.We have to stop cribbing and become go-getters.rather than blame the ciscumstances or turn of events for any misfortune that befalls us. We should look for the positive aspects of life and make our own future.Just imagine if suddenly the lights go out,if each one of us present lights a candle rather than curse the darkness,the darkness will be dispelled forever and there will be brightness all around us. We are what we make of ourselves.There is no point dwelling in the past and ruining our future.Our destiny is in our hands.We have to say to ourselves that we will change the circumstances we are in and not get swallowed by the circumstances. We get opportunitis in our life to achieve greatness,it is up to us to grab the opportunity with both hands and not let it pass us by and curse our bad luck.We have to make our own destiny and not let destiny outdo us God helps those who help themselves
2:When I was a kid I used to climb up shelves of a cupboard pour the brandy my uncle kept for medicinal purpose into the bottle cap and have a glug.
3: I have two wives (1)WIFE(the one I exchanged my vows with) expands into Worries Invited For Ever The second one is my PC Wonderful Instrument For Enjoyment
4:Had my first cigarette when I was 14.
5: I dont smoke any more(I dont smoke any less either)
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes" WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models.. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "$90,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ..... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price.." WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape..... He smiles and asks: "Anyone knows to whom this phone belongs to?"
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in another race, and surprisingly, it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S WINNING ASS.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted. The pastor informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten dollars. The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read:
Apr 26, 2006 4:25 am Mood: contemplative, 881 Views
With sympathies to 'Men' and apologies to all the lovely 'women' on the planet
A "Husband Shopping Center" has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among any men.
The store has six floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.
"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!"
And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking,help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.
"Oh, mercy me! Its getting better and better. But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor number 123,974,389,012,345 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
I am an old young uncle living only with myself in Bangaloru. Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.
I am a soiled son from inside Karnataka. I am nice and big, six foot tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket and I am a good batter and I am fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.
I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay.
Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. I am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am.
I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the gym and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the gym.
I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday. That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my things into your hand.
If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day. In fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the gym.
If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope. I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.
The Queen of the Hearts,the Godess of Love Rani our very own raintorm is A MALE.
WoW only the other day when I spoke to Rani she was as feminine as ever.Could she have had an overnite sex change? If that is so I will become a female.
SO LETS ALL CLAP CLAP CLAP FOR Rohini2005 and hope he/she doesnt pass on the Clap to anyone
Hope this brushes up your english!! English signs abroad....
1. In a Bangkok temple:
"IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN."
2. cocktail lounge, Norway:
"LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR."
3. At a Budapest zoo:
"PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY."
4. Doctor's office, Rome:
"SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES."
5. Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
"DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS."
6. In a Nairobi restaurant:
"CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER."
7. On an Athi River highway:
"TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE."
8. On a poster at Kencom:
"ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP."
9. In a Mexico City restaurant:
"OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS."
10. A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
"DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS."
11. In a Danish cemetery:
"PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES."
12. Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
"GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIORS IN BED."
13. On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
"OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR."
14. In a Tokyo bar:
"SPECIAL cockTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS."
15. Hotel, [former] Yugoslavia:
"THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID."
16. Hotel, Japan:
"YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID."
17. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
"YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY."
18. A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
"IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE."
19. In a Hotel, Zurich:
"BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE
20. Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
"WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?"
21. In the window on a Swedish furrier:
"FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN"
22. The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
"GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE."
23. In a Swiss mountain inn:
"SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM."
24. Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
"WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS."
25. A laundry in Rome:
"LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME."
elieves in "you" 
nvites you over 
oves you for who you are 
ffer support 
