DOOMSDAY COMETH...........!!!!! Nov 20, 2009 3:49 am 44 Views Hmm.. So yesterday i saw the Hollywood 'flick' 2012 ...according to which i still have about 24 months to blog , eat butter chicken to my hearts content , write my autobiography , make more enemies on IFF than i already have and of course book my ticket to the moon,( the details of which i have left to COLDVALHALLA since he the one with brains and the reason i am taking him along.AS Eversmiling sayeth.." brain maketh better soup than brawn.!!" So whats so great about prophesying Doomsday , Apocalypse and Armageddon? As if we humans have done such a good job of preserving what we have anyway!I mean ,what with the climate change ,Al-Quaida , Maoists , Naxalites, Twitterers , Orkutians, Osamas,Obamas and an unstable Pakistan neighboring us even a school kid will tell you the end is near!! Anyway , after watching the movie ,slickly made as it is , the moral is --Eat,Drink and be Merry---- for IN 2012 u die! And damned be those who now still ask you to find a purpose in life. Bungee jumping ,para sailing , slapping your boss , husband or lover.. just go all out and do it! Hmm so back to the movie.Apparently the Mayan calender ends in 2012 ( just for your info.. 'MAYAN' is not the name given to the personal bodyguards of Mayawati !)So , some Hollywood director found in it a perfectly plausible script to make this movie showing 2012 as the dooms year and China logically with its expertise in building fakes along with cheap labour the savior of the 'few' chosen ones.The reason for the world ending will be the earths crust breaking due to high temperatures in the core (OK OK if you want to know more please go see the movie. Why should i have you save 250 bucks just by telling you the technical details? And no, it has nothing to do with me being technically challenged after watching a bit of the movie.! Ilove leaving you all full of suspense.I assume along with millions of smart others like me that no one even thought of the simple fact that maybe the Mayans just ran out of 'calender' space..!! Anyway, so seeing how prophecies these days are becoming multi billion dollar business propositions ,i am giving a few prophecies of my own and since none of you will be alive to contradict me,whats the harm? SOOOo , i think a Giant Taliban wave will rise in Pakistan and press its N BUTTON -----thus making it cease to exist. Bill Clinton will take Indian citizenship, join hands with Mayawati and make her the next PM of India , and we all will live in a country full of Behenji Mayawati statues and Bhaiya Clinton posters !! Now if that doesn't call for dooms day.. what does? My smart brain has many more in its storage bin but will tell you all only after i rake in my first million dollars when i sell this idea to some Hollywood director.. !! Anyone listeningggggggg.........? 4 Comments

PRIYANKA'S STORY............... Nov 16, 2009 3:11 am 126 Views So last week there was an interesting story on the local news channel.I find it interesting for the different questions it raises, though for the protagonists involved i am sure its nothing short of a calamity. So there is this couple , Priyanka and Anand living opposite each others houses and falling in love and having an affair for 4 years . It seems the boys parents are not happy with the match and refuse to marry them off.So Anand tells the girl to get pregnant first and his parents will have no choice but to marry them off. The girl agrees and gets pregnant.. The boy then tells her that his parents are asking for 10 lakhs as dowry to agree to their marriage.Priyanka is shattered. Soon after she comes to know that Anands marriage has been fixed elsewhere.She goes and complains to the police who do nothing FOR TWO WHOLE WEEKS. On the day of the marriage , Priyanka along with her sister and a friend go there to talk it over and keeps calling the police. Not only are the cell phones of the policemen switched off but she gets beaten and shoved around by the boys family. The marriage is already completed by then and as such Anand has a wife. The local channel runs this story continously till the public sits up and takes notice and there are protests and finally the boy is arrested.. The end is yet to be known. But the questions this story raises: Whose mistake is it...? The girl for putting her trust and love in a boy who has cheated her , not only physically , but emotionally too? The boy for listening to his parents and not opposing their wishes? The police for not taking any timely action.? What about the new bride . How will she cope with the fact about her husband having done what he did. If Priyanka does get Anand back.. what kind of a future do they have together ? Does the society take some blame for being so harsh and rigid towards modern relationships ? What according to you is the best solution in this case.? Should she abort the baby? ( she is already 3 months pregnant it seems. Am curious to hear all opinions from males and females. Age, caste, religion, no bar..!! Over to you all... 8 Comments

LANGUAGE-------ISM. Nov 10, 2009 2:18 am 134 Views So i was watching the ruckus and hooliganism that took place in the Maharashtra assembly yesterday over an MLA taking the oath in Hindi, which every body says and we are taught also is the national language.(Rogers always differs and says Hindi is not the national language...he just might explain why if asked..!!!)The constitution clearly states that an individual can take the oath in any language he so chooses. But the question i want to ask is .. how important is it to learn the state language and why ? I was born and brought up in the north , so Hindi and English are the languages i learnt. I can speak Punjabi since it's my mother tongue. The truth is , i have then lived in ORISSA , MAHARASHTRA , KARNATAKA and HARYANA , i will exclude the one year stint i had in Indonesia.Now , if according to Raj Thackeray , one should learn the language of the state they live in , i by now should be fluent in 4 languages apart from the 3 i already know. I would then have a cool career as a translator or at least could call myself a linguist..!!But i have not been able to learn any of the 4. I blame myself only to the extent that i did not take a strong enough interest in learning them.Otherwise the fact remains wherever i have lived i never did have to interact much with the local population and most of the people i interacted with knew at least either Hindi or English, which really leaves no motivation to learn the local language. Yet , i loved all the states i lived in and i would still stand in their defense if needed . Does not knowing the language make me any less loyal to the state i live in ? What should come first..the country or the state.? What about those who keep getting transferred out of states every 3 /4 years.? There are many who can learn languages easily and i am sure they are the gifted ones.. but just as some are tone deaf or have 2 left feet , there are many who cannot 'learn ' a language so easily.Are their loyalty and patriotism to be doubted then..? Maybe i am wrong in saying this but i feel Raj Thackeray has just put a spark to another '--ism '.Language-ism...The resulting fire might just consume the whole region we call our country INDIA. 6 Comments

THOUGHTS ON DIWALI............! Oct 15, 2009 3:10 am 265 Views Times sure are a changing.There was a time when mud ‘diyas’ were all we bought to light on Diwali. But now they are harder to find and have been replaced by ceramic ones and designer candles in all colors and variety. No, this is not about the whole goody goody yappity yap about Diwali and its true meaning and bla bla. I know you all just as impatient to start the Diwali festivities as I am…with those 1000 ladi crackers to blow out the eardrums of all people living in the 10 km vicinity..!! But before you settle down to welcome Lord Ram back home along with of course Goddess Lakshmi by sitting down to your gambling...oopppss O GODDDESS ! PLEASE forgive me for being so damn crude. Let me rephrase that…" sitting down to your ‘card games’ of ‘teen’ Patti "(correct me if I’m wrong but it’s called poker in English) and celebrating the win of Good over Evil, how about remembering a few things.Not many.. justttttt a fewwwwww.!! Many times when you feel like everything has just got too damn much and nothing could be worse, and you feel like throwing in the towel and kicking the bucket so to say, think of HIM and the 14 years he spent in the forest… Damn he never gave up even though we know how tough it got at times for him. Being a Royal Prince he could have gone back anytime. But he stuck it out till the very end... Way to go Ramji! How common it is to hear people whining about the burden of old parents and having to look after them and give up their little freedoms for them. Think of HIM. He gave up his whole kingdom just to keep his fathers word. Even as siblings fight among each other and file law suits against each other over each and every scrap of family property, how about remembering Ram’s brother Bharat, who could have been king but instead placed his brothers slippers on the throne so no one forgot who the true king was..! We sit on our asses all day whining about this and that and keep saying. ‘Ki farak painda haiga? ‘ (what difference does it make.? ) and we forget the little squirrel who bought a few little grains of sand to Ram thinking they would help in building the bridge to get across to Sita..(They did!) . Till this day they carry the 3 silver stripes as a mark of honor by Ramji . So maybe we should think of all this and then light the diya this Diwali. Wishing you all a very Happy and Prosperous Diwali. 1 comment

TO BE OR NOT TO BE-----------HAIRY! Oct 14, 2009 6:06 am 462 Views So, I am at my beauty parlor again and Kavita my beautician asks me the same questions? Full leg or half? Full arms yes? I nod my head.Underarms? I pick up my arm and she takes a look carefully ” Hmmm… yes yes,there is a bit of growth, may as well have it done “I am taken to the changing room and am given a petticoat,except I got to tie it just above my breasts. And there I am ready... like a ripe chicken ready to be plucked…! Waxing!! Whoever invented it I am sure must have been an atheist. Only an atheist would go against the wish of GOD who created us all hairy and wanted us to remain so. I muse on this point as Kavita spreads a fine layer of wax on the hairy parts my leg, which is actually just sugar mixed with lemon juice and heated till it melts into a hot gooey brown caramelized mass. Is that why we females are called ‘sugar’ and ‘sweetie’? LOL. Now as all you females will know, ‘Waxing’ is an art in itself. A bit too hot and you in serious danger of losing the upper layer of your skin! As soon as the just- right- hot wax is spread over the hairy part , a strip of cloth is pressed on it and even as you think of your doggie, your boy friend, your lover or your country it is pulled off in a swift motion in the direction opposite to the hair growth.OUCHHH!. That’s not the end... it keeps getting repeated till each and ever cm of your legs , arms , underarms and anywhere else you have the guts to take the pain is made ‘hairless’ and to expose your soft womanly smoothness! No wonder we women can take pain so well as compared to men since we get such good practice. Hmmm... For all you guys reading this and laughing, I challenge you. Take a piece of electrical tape and stick it on any ‘hairy’ part of your body in the direction opposite to your hair growth. Hold one tab by the end and just rip it off in the opposite direction in one stroke.… Stop screaming so loud man… you not being castrated..! Hmm... So as I muse I remember the saying, God proposes, Man disposes…!!. Sure ,God intended woman to be hairy but then MEN! If they had to ‘shave’ daily, (I read somewhere about a shave being like a bra--- you can’t wait to get your first one and then you spend your whole life cribbing about having one!!)a ritual they find extremely nasty, to reiterate their manhood, how could they leave the woman be? And , thus women started to shave...! Oopps I mean smoothen their legs, arms, underarms… till of course the ‘bikini’ was discovered…... and then even the bikini line was crossed..! I guess I am a sucker for pain as much as for soft smooth skin… and Kavita laughs all the way to the bank. ! ERRMM does it mean all men are Atheists..? A question for another day I guess... 28 Comments

WHAT IF....................? Oct 13, 2009 3:41 am 290 Views So today I am in one of my serious contemplative moods, where I try and think of stuff no one has ever thought of as yet(highly unlikely of course..) or try to ponder on when India will discover oxygen on the moon and how soon . (Coldy has promised to come to the moon with me and I would so love to take him while he still can use that ‘brain’ he has..!! Hmm so as I contemplate on my fate of being a woman in this bad bad world, my mind thinks back to Eve my millions and millions of generations back great grand mother. God rest her soul! I am assuming that before my ‘nth’ generation back Grandma Eve ate the apple, there was only one season which existed in the garden. I mean Adam and Eve both being naked all the time surely could not have survived the changing seasons just in their bare skins could they ? Grandma Eve ate the apple and voila. … ‘Bear’ skins came into fashion. So, I’m contemplating... What if tomorrow God in his wisdom waves his magic wand and gets rid of all the ‘cloth’ in the world and we all have to move around in our own bare skins only. Obviously the seasons will also be one Bangalore summer all year through…! Ooppss... Sorry guys…. No more fashion TV for u all. No more ogling as all in same state of dress would make ‘nakedness’ routine. Of course, no more shopping trips too. Gosh imagine the amount of money saved on mall visits, fashion shows, trial fittings. seasonal shopping, boutique visits , bridal gowns, trousseau shopping etc etc etc the whole damn textile industry gone extinct. No more wasting time on what matches what and what to wear for what occasion and what time… formal , informal and casual… none of that anymore..! The whole food problem of the world solved too! All on strict diets to keep those naked bodies looking gorgeous. Imagine, we would focus more on the storyline of serials than the clothes worn by the actors... (Am sure most serials would go off the air due to poor TRP ratings..!)There would be no more discussions on the Mandira Bedi’s noodle straps .Models would no more catwalks or need to ‘accidentally’ have their tops fall open at the most opportune time to get more publicity! Alas! No more seductive stripping too..! If no clothes... I guess no place to hide those guns and knives and pistols… no more shootings. LESS OF CRIME... ARRRGHH I could go on and on I guess... But a scary thought suddenly stops me and gets me back to sanity….. No clothes…? Karnataka and Andhra Pradesh just went through the worst floods in years… Oh my Gosh...! I don’t have any clothes to donate to the victims. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. P.S. I am a truthful person... the idea of this blog copied but NOT PASTED..! 3 Comments

FEASTING TIMES ARE HERE AGAIN...!!!!!! Aug 22, 2009 7:33 am 571 Views So, finally the festival season is upon us… After all that we have been through this past year starting with the terror attacks , a monsoon which keeps playing hide and seek ,metro collapses , swine flu , suicidal farmers and the worst horror of horrors.. Frisking of the KING OF BOLLYWOOD... Shahrukh Khan.!! No one deserves the fattening festivals like us Indians truly do. Even though the specter of the drought is still before us, we will never be able to avoid these festivals just like all those dance, shaadi and reality show contestants being thrust down our throats day in and night out..!! Gosh does it sound like I am ranting…? No no...Never.rrrrrrrr, just like I would NEVERR say no to a plate of butter chicken served with Naan anytime! After all festivals are the life line of this huge country where nothing bonds us more than our festivals…. The religious ones that is...! Janamashtami has just passed and all the fasting and praying and dancing followed by the feasting has given a perfect start to the season...( I should have added the Parsi new year actually but since I have not even one Parsi family living around me to feed me their dishes it just goes by without notice..sighhhhh !). Hmmm, if you can count Independence day as a festival i.e.. sending sms greetings as part of the festival season. So be it…! Of course no matter however patriotic u might feel , it just comes no where close to any religious festival for the simple reason it does not have any special ‘dish’ marked for it like the festivals have.. !! A tri- colored. Rasgulla..…? Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ! Ganesh Chaturthi is coming ,Ramzaan , then Navratri , then Karva chauth , then Dussehra , Diwali and Christmas and of course and just like a perfect dessert to finish off a perfect dinner we have New Year… though not religious but is now Global…(we all feel proud of being global citizens on this one day at least..!!) So enjoy the coming months dear friends… and women.., forget the treadmills till next year and pass around the Mithai and Halwa and Kheer and Pedas……for we need these festivals for sure… to forget the turmoil of our times and to remember that even brothers must at some point stop being enemies !! 5 Comments

THE 6 YARD WONDER.................!! Aug 8, 2009 8:06 am 839 Views RAVEON.. So today I want to rave about the six yard Indian wonder we call the Sari… So much so that even celebrities like Shobha De have opened their own designer ‘cocktail’ Sari collection to cash in on this latest Indian craze. There was a time when it wasn’t the wonder it has become... It was just a few yards of cloth called a ‘female dhoti’. Women would wake up and wrap around themselves like the men did and went about doing their daily chores. Of course it can be a most distracting sight to see women all around going about their chores in just a few yards of fabric with their bosoms playing hide and seek with the fabric.(imagine what it would do to men when wet.!).So I assume some guys got together to find a solution to this most tantalizing temptation and Voila!! , was born our very own MISTER CHAMANLAL... THE LADIES TAILOR…!! (Ever noticed how most choli tailors are males..?) Yes, The Choli... a simple piece of loose cloth meant to cover up the bosom and save men from temptation and distraction became a part of the female attire. But, then as you all know... we women are smart and have always found a way of turning things in our favor... Slowly the Choli and Dhoti plotted and planned , rose and fell, shifted and pleated , cut and sewed till they became as inseparable as Romeo and Juliet , Archie and Veronica , Tom and Jerry , Chole and Bhature and how can I miss saying Butter and Chicken..!! And thus was born our Sari Choli..!! But then the Sari and Choli were not supposed to be distracting now right..? I mean it’s the jeans with low waistlines and tops, imports from western cultures which distract the guys into lewd thoughts of rape and molestation... The Sari is supposed to be the symbol of modesty for the Indian women. Meant to keep eyes down and thoughts clean. !!! So much that over time the ‘pallu’ got longer with the intention of keeping the bosom covered entirely. It’s a different matter that it mostly unintentionally does slide down from time to time showing off some of that nubile and smooth flesh which bothers and gets so many guys ‘hot ‘ under the collar..! And now with the Choli getting smaller, the neck lines lower and deeper, it scintillates and titillates more, even if covered, what with see through georgette , chiffon and lace saris becoming the ‘in’ thing... a peek of naval , a sniff of those luscious curves and we have something incomparable to its western counterpart known as the ‘little black dress’…! It has become so versatile that the same inhabitant in a sari can look like a ‘devi’ at the temple in the morning and by the time party time comes around she can pass off as a vamp..! Of course there is a wistful feeling at the extinction of those curvaceous, voluptuous hips made famous by the likes of Sridevi, Zeenat Aman, Hema Malini and Mumtaaz etc…The new generation females just don’t have them... all gone to bone trying to become a size 0 and what not…. …. Saris are made for luscious hips… KHATEE PEETE hips so say... (Like mine...!) Sighhhhhhhhhhh !! With the Sari now making a comeback in new and sexier avatars, hopefully the hips will follow…!! RAVE OFF... 11 Comments

This one for you... Shaitaan.. Jul 7, 2009 12:48 am 869 Views Shaitaan, Thank you is not appropriate enough a word to tell you how overwhelmed I am by the trust ,belief and support you have shown me.. not only through this latest sordid blog drama , but right throughout the past 4 years and more that i have known you. Through all the inconsequential chatter and nonsense , through all the endless debates and serious arguments, through all the jokes and gossip and specially through all the tears, pain, hurt and sumtimes misery , you have stood, shared ,advised and many times just listened as only a true friend can. I could keep writing more but i found the following lines so apt for you and i know there are many many more here who will agree and feel the same for you.... But oh! the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one's deepest as well as one's most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859 .. You the best...!! 7 Comments

THE GREAT INDIAN AUTO ADVENTURE.......!! Apr 15, 2009 6:15 am 983 Views Hmm so as you all know now and have read in my previous blog about my woeful and pathetic driving skills , let me tell you about my alternate choice… the AUTO OR 3 Wheeler as it is called. Black and yellow in color , most unassuming and simple in looks and behavior ,till you enter it ------when suddenly it turns into a beast of monstrous proportions. Needless to say if anyone is an atheist before the ride... believe me, after the ride will start worshiping all the millions of Hindu Gods , plus all the other Gods of all religions with an unmatched fervor. Of course let me also add that a 3 wheeler is only for the adventurous/suicidal kinds. If you have never sat in one then you will neither have gone Bungee jumping , Para sailing , Shark fishing or Alligator hunting . They all belong to the same category. It has led me to believe I must have the genes of some great adventurer in me… ermm Sir Francis Drake or Christopher Columbus or that guy Philieas Fogg, who went around the world in 80 days. I am absolutely certain traveling around the city in an auto can’t be any less adventurous…!! The whole adventure starts with first trying to convince the auto-driver that I am not a newcomer in the city and so he can’t charge any price he wants to me (Not knowing the local language just makes it a 10 time more difficult affair.) That he needs to run the meter and whatever the amount comes is what I will pay him ,that since its still not 9.30 p.m he cannot charge me one and half times the meter rate , and when I have luggage I have to then bargain how much extra I need to pay .. After it all I am left exhausted as if I had run the Mumbai Marathon and quickly get in just wanting to reach my destination. For those are not familiar with the Indian Auto let me explain… It’s a vehicle on 3 wheels. And runs on the cheapest quality of diesel / petrol available. The driver sits in front and 3 passengers are allowed to sit at the back which in proportion to the population of our country can some times accommodate unto 8 or 9 people. The driver tries to fight all traffic in as little time as possible, without regard to limb or life or rules or signals and still reach the destination with the passenger as close to death as possible. The passengers try to hold onto whatever little space they have without being thrown out of the vehicle to become ‘meat’ for other ongoing/incoming vehicles! THAT IS THE GIST OF IT.. Without making you readers feel more scared..! But then, I am an Indian... every time I sit in an auto , see a picture of Lord Ganesh , or Guru Nanak or the many million deities we so love to worship which now also include those 3 red chilies tied to a lemon hanging from the inside of the auto to keep the ‘dark eye’ away.(most probably the ‘dark eye’ being the traffic cop!.),I feel powerful , invincible and un –killable with the sure knowledge and blind faith that I will reach my destination .. Maybe battered and tattered but certainly Alive!!….Before getting off, I do send a silent prayer of thanks to the deity in the auto and a loud thank you to the driver. !!!. 4 Comments

 eversmilingme

47 F