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Some Thing Great In Getting Old
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May 23, 2012 6:36 pm
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A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. Is it true, she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?Yes, I'm afraid so, the doctor told her.There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,I'm wondering, then, Just how serious is my condition,because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.'
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An older gentleman was on the operating table
Awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son,
A renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia,
He asked to speak to his son
'Yes, Dad, what is it? '
'Don't be nervous, son; Do your best
And just remember, If it doesn't go well,
If something happens to me, Your mother
Is going to come and live with you and your wife....'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (I LOVE IT!)
Aging:
Eventually you will reach a point
When you stop lying about your age
And start bragging about it.
This is so true. I love
to hear them say "you don't look that old."
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The older we get,
The fewer things
Seem worth waiting in line for.
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Some people
Try to turn back their odometers.
Not me!
I want people to know 'why'
I look at it this way.
I've traveled a long way
And some of the roads weren't paved.
********************
When you are dissatisfied
And would like to go back to youth,
Think of Algebra.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You know you are getting old when
Everything either dries up or leaks.
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One of the many things
No one tells you about aging
Is that it is such a nice change
From being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful,
But being old is comfortable.
First you forget names,
Then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
It's worse when
You forget to pull it down.
---------------------------------
Two guys one old one young
Are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart
When they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy,
'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
And I guess I wasn't paying attention
To where I was going.
The young guy says, 'That's OK, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too...'
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate'
The old guy says, 'Well,
Maybe I can help you find her.
What does she look like?'
' The young guy says,
'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall,
With red hair,
Blue eyes, is buxom wearing no bra,
Long legs,
And is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'
To which the first old guy says, 'Doesn't matter,
--- let's look for yours.'
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FRONT COVER OF 'TUGLAK' MAGAZINE
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May 16, 2012 6:59 pm
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[Image]
TRANSLATED
“ Excellent Job opportunity for the old, aged and infirm..
Nature of job: President of India
Age: 35 and above. Preference will be given to over 80.
Job content:
(a) - Console people on the Republic Day after the flag hoisting.
(b) - Keep perusing mercy petitions from murderers without taking any decision.
(c) - Frequent travel abroad with family.
(d) - Salary. 1,50,000/ pm
(e) - Perks: Space is not sufficient. Booklet will be sent on payment of Rs 10/- by crossed postal order.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Anecdote :
When I served at South Block in 1977, our office superintendent , a venerable gentleman, at a lunch time chatter, said:
' Only the First Three Presidents were worthy of residing at Rashtrapathi Bhavan. The rest came after applying through the various 'Employment Exchanges' !!
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"MEERA BHARAT MAHAN"
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May 16, 2012 6:55 pm
71 Views
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1. We live in a nation where Rice is Rs.40/- per kg and Sim Card is free.
2. Pizza reaches home faster than Ambulance and Police.
3. Car loan @ 5% but education loan @ 12%.
4. Students with 35% get in elite institutions thru quota system and those with 90% get out because of merit.
5. Where a millionaire can buy a cricket team instead of donating the money to any charity. 2 IPL teams are auctioned at 3300 crores and we are still a poor country where people starve for 2 square meals per day.
6. Where the footwear, we wear, are sold in AC showrooms, but vegetables, that we eat, are sold on the footpath.
7. Where everybody wants to be famous but nobody wants to follow the path to be famous.
8. Assembly complex buildings are getting ready within one year while public transport bridges alone take several years to be completed.
9. Where we make lemon juices with artificial flavours and dish wash liquids with real lemon.
Think about it!
If you cross the The North Korean border illegally, you get . . .12 years hard labour in an isolated prison .....
If you cross the Iranian border illegally, you get . . . detained indefinitely .....
If you cross the Afghan border illegally, you get . . . shot . . .
If you cross the Saudi Arabian border illegally, you get ..... jailed .....
If you cross the Chinese border illegally, you get .....kidnapped and may be never heard of - again ....
If you cross the Venezuelan border illegally, you get ..... branded as a spy and your fate sealed .....
If you cross the Cuban border illegally, you get ..... thrown into a political prison to rot .....
If you cross the British border illegally, you get ..... arrested, prosecuted, sent to prison and be deported after serving your sentence .....
Now ....
if you were to cross the Indian border illegally, you get .....
1. A ration card
2. A passport ( even more than one - if you please ! )
3. A driver's license
4. A voter identity card
5. Credit cards
6. A Haj subsidy
7. Job reservation
8. Special privileges for minorities
9. Government housing on subsidized rent
10. Loan to buy a house
11. Free education
12. Free health care
13. A lobbyist in New Delhi , with a bunch of media morons and a bigger bunch of human rights activists promoting your cause
14. The right to talk about secularism, which you have not heard about in your own country !
15. And of-course ..... voting rights to elect corrupt politicians who will promote your community
for their selfish interest in securing your votes !!!
16. and right to fight election for MLA or MP
Hats off ..... to the .....
A. Corrupt and communal Indian politicians
B. The inefficient and corrupt Indian police force
C. The silly pseudo-secularists in India , who promote traitors staying here
D. The amazingly lenient Indian courts and legal system. That's why people like Afzal Guru are still alive, same will happen with Kasab.
E. WE self centered Indian citizens, who are not bothered about the dangers to our own country.
F. The illogically brainless human-rights activists, who think that terrorists deserve to be dealt with by archaic laws meant for an era, when human beings were human beings.
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An Indian Politician
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May 16, 2012 6:50 pm
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While returning to Delhi from Goa yesterday, I was pleasantly surprised to find the Chief Minister of Goa, BJP's Manohar Parrikar, on the same flight. No, this isn't the first time I was on board with a CM, a senior minister or a politician. But what I saw - right from the time he boarded the aircraft till the moment he exited the airport building at New Delhi - impressed me so much that it has stayed with me till now and has made me write this piece.
I tried to remember when was the last time I saw a CM or a senior political leader of Mr Parrikar's stature queuing up like a common man to board a flight. No flunkeys, no security, no attendant, carrying his own luggage - and he was flying economy on a low-cost carrier, not first-class on a full services airline. He wasn't the last to enter the flight nor was the flight held up for him to arrive.
He walked into the Go Air aircraft like any average passenger, almost unnoticed and well in time. Like everyone else, he queued at the gate, boarded the bus, and climbed into the plane when his turn came. He didn't sit in the first row which has become the exclusive preserve of the high and mighty on flights that have no first class. He quietly slipped into row three (or was it row four) and sat there without any fuss. I think most people on the aircraft didn't realise who he was and therefore no attempt was made to mob him or try and catch his attention.
The cabin crew spent no more time attending to him than they did to any other passenger.
When I shared this with a colleague who was travelling with me, he said, "I am sure the airline would have left the seat next to him unoccupied or his office would have booked two seats so that he is not disturbed." But when I went to attend to nature's call, I realized on my way back that this was not the case. All seats in his row were occupied and absolutely no special privilege seemed to have either been demanded or offered. Yes, he did have an aisle seat - as did two people in every row.
When the flight landed in Delhi, he wasn't the first to get off it. Usually, it is only when the VIP is ushered into a special car waiting for him at the tarmac (with a suitable red light mounted on the roof of the car), that the other passengers are allowed to deplane. In this case, neither was he the first to disembark, nor was there a car waiting. Nobody came to receive him on the tarmac and he boarded the same bus which took all other passengers to the airport terminal. Again, he carried his own luggage (two pieces) right up to the car which came to fetch him.
While in the bus, a couple of co-passengers did recognize him and began to chat with him. The conversation which followed left me in no doubt that he was not just a gentleman but very understated in his demeanor. Dressed in a simple but formal shirt and trousers and black sandals, he didn't look or sound like a typical politician. Having worked in the news business for a while, I did know that he is the first IIT-ian to head a state government in India. I had also heard that he was trying to clean up the murky world of Goa politics. But what I observed first-hand left me pleasantly surprised.
I am not a resident of Goa and therefore not in a position to cast my vote for Mr Parrikar - in a political sense. But purely from a personal standpoint, he has my vote for the kind of person he seems to be. I had gone to Goa to attend the Network18 Leadership Meet and I learned my last lesson of leadership this weekend watching Mr Parrikar from a distance.
Let us pray that many of our politicians learn from the above.
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A True Incident
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May 3, 2012 5:44 am
172 Views
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In Lok Sabha, a congress MP during his speech told a story.....
"There was a father who gave 100 rupees each to his 3 sons and asked them to buy things and fill up a room completely.
First son bought hay for Rs. 100 but couldn't fill the room entirely.
Second son bought cotton for Rs. 100 but couldn't fill the room entirely.
Third son bought a candle for Rs. 1 and lit it up and the room was filled with light completely."
The MP added "Our Prime Minister is like the third son. From the day he has taken charge of his office, our country is filled with the bright light of prosperity"
A voice from the backbench asked "Where is the remaining Rs. 99?"
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LAUGHTER A DAY
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May 3, 2012 5:41 am
143 Views
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In a Mental Hospital a journalist asked the doctor:
How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not?
Doctor: Well, we first fill a BathTub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub....
Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use d bucket bcoz its bigger....
Doctorr: No, a normal person would pull the drain plug! Now u plz proceed to bed no.39  .
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