Old is Gold Classic Nov 19, 2009 2:26 am 19 Views Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology." The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the doctors changed it to "Hysteria's and Posteriors". This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." No go. Next they tried "Catatonics and High Colonics." Thumbs down again. Then came "Manic-depressives and Anal retentives" Still not good. How about "Minds and Behinds"? Unacceptable again. So they tried "Lost Souls and Ass Holes" Still no go. Nor did "Analysis and Anal Cysts," "Nuts and Butts," "Freaks and Cheeks," "Loons and Moons" work either. Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with a business slogan they thought might be acceptable to the council, "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones ........... Odds and Ends." APPROVED!! 0 Comments

Turn around Nov 17, 2009 6:06 pm 28 Views A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this huge black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down, and says: '7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown.' The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says: 'What's wrong with you?' In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?' The big dude says: 'I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.' The small guy says: 'Turner Brown, Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, 'Turn around.' 0 Comments

Leave Letters and more ....!!!!!!!!! Nov 17, 2009 6:00 pm 28 Views This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India ... 1. Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows: Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave. 2. This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.." 3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding: "as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.." 4. From H.A.L. Administration dept: "As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave." 5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: "Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave" 6. An incident of a leave letter "I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday." 7. A leave letter to the headmaster: "As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today" 8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster: "As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day." 9. Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..." 10. Another one: "Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..." 11. Actual letter written for application of leave: "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave". 12. Letter writing: - "I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well." 13. A candidate's job application: "This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'...As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post. 0 Comments

Alchohol Or Water ? Nov 17, 2009 5:51 pm 31 Views As Ben Franklin said : In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in faeces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop. However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Remember : Water = Poop Wine = Health Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk shit, than to drink water and be full of shit. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing this as a public service, I am also not on payroll of Mr Mallaya The Liquor Baron . So Cheers n have patiala one. 0 Comments

TWO NEW ADDITIONS TO THE PERIODIC TABLE OF ELEMENTS Nov 17, 2009 5:49 pm 31 Views Element Name: WOMANIUM Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (Don't even go there) Physical properties: Generally soft and round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts when treated properly. Very bitter if not used well. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income-reducing agent known. Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands! ---------------------------------------------- Element Name: MANIUM Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50) Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: CHILDIUM) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol. Usage: None known. Possibly good methane gas source, since good samples are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell. 0 Comments

Rules For Men Nov 17, 2009 5:42 pm 27 Views After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to each other for days. Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was. "Oh," I said, "So now you're speaking to me." He looked confused, "What are you talking about?" "Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?" I challenged. "No," he said, "I just thought we were getting along." ----------------------------- Rules For Men 1. The Female always makes The Rules. 2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification. 3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules. 4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules. 5. The Female is never wrong. 6. (If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.) 7. (If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.) 8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time. 9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female. 10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time. 11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him to be angry or upset. 12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset. 13. The Male is expected to mind read at all times. 14. The Male who doesn't abide by The Rules, can't take the heat, lacks a backbone, and is a wimp. 15. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm. 16. At no time can the Male make such comments as "Insignificant" and "Is that all?" when the Female is complaining. 17. If the Female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void! 0 Comments

Wrong email id Nov 17, 2009 5:29 pm 24 Views A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail. Meanwhile... Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Reached Date: 28 July 2008 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They gave computers here, and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones. I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW! 0 Comments

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR... Nov 12, 2009 5:42 pm 60 Views If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dentsand scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull .... But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently. But here's the worst of it -- Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires But I say cheers if possible every evening as the sun goes down and remember the best of days I had when young. 1 comment

Laloo's Driver Nov 5, 2009 6:15 pm 150 Views One day Laloo was traveling by car. He was going to a village for campaigning . Suddenly a piglet came before the car. The driver couldn't hit the brake at the right time and unfortunately the baby pig was killed in the accident. At the sight Laloo was deeply moved and felt very upset He called the driver and said, "Jiska e suuar hai hum usko compensesan dena chahta hoon. Usko dhundke lav". At his words the driver went to the nearest village and came back after some time with a tilak on his forehead, garlands around his neck and lots of money in his hands!!! Laloo was surprised . He asked ,"Hum tumko kaha tha ke uss aadmi ko laiye, aur tum aise wapas aaye ho! baat kya hai?" At this the driver replied " I told them about the incident. Hearing it they were rejoiced, put tilak and garlands on me, then danced for some time and gave this money." Laloo then asked him "Aap unko egjactly kaa bole?" The driver replied : "Main bola, MAIN Laloo Prasad Yadav KA DRIVER HOON, MAINE SUAAR KE BACHHE KO MAR DALA HAI.........." 1 comment

letter to krishna...! Nov 5, 2009 6:11 pm 138 Views Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. Mom, I want a bike for my birthday. Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did. Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year. Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to Krishna and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday. Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write Krishna a letter. ************** Letter 1 Dear Krishna, I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one. Your friend, Bobby ************** Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, So he tore up the letter and started over. ************** Letter 2 Dear Krishna, This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like A red bike for my birthday. Thank you. Your friend, Bobby ************** Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again. ************** Letter 3 Dear Krishna, I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday. Bobby ************** Bobby knew he could not send this letter to Krishna either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter. ************** Letter 4 Krishna, I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please! Thank you, Bobby ************** Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to temple. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad. Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him. Bobby walked down the street to the temple on the corner. Little Bobby went into the temple and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the radha. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the temple, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to Krishna. ************** Letter 5 Krishna, I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR GIRLFRIEND. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!! 0 Comments

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