Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'
The Chief nodded in agreement.
The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?'
The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. 'When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having seks.'
Then the chief leaned back and smiled.
'Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.'
omg.... this is the funniest piece I ever read in the recent past... Couldn't resist sharing it here Have a Great weekend friends
My wife told me it was about time that I learned to play golf ... you know, golf . . . that's the game where you chase a little ball all over the country when you are too old to chase women.
So, I went to see Mr. Jones and asked him if he would teach me how to play.
He said, "Sure, you've got balls don't you?"
"Yes, but sometimes on cold mornings they are hard to find."
"Bring them to the clubhouse tomorrow morning and we will tee off."
"What's tee off?"
"It's a golf term and we have to tee off in front of the clubhouse."
"Not for me," I said. "You can tee off in front of the clubhouse if you want, but I'll tee off behind the barn somewhere."
"No, no, a tee is a little thing about the size of your finger."
"Yeah, I've got one of those."
"Well, you stick it in the ground and put your ball on top of it."
"You play golf sitting down? I always thought you stood up and walked around."
"You do, you're standing up when you put your ball on the tee."
Well folks, I thought that was stretching things a bit too far and I said so.
He said, "You've got a bag haven't you?"
"Sure."
"You're balls are in it, aren't they?"
"Of course," I told him.
"Well, can't you open your bag and take one out?"
"I suppose I could, but I'll be damned if I am going to."
"Don't you have a zipper on your bag?"
"No, I am the old fashioned type."
"Do you know how to hold your club?"
Well, after 65 years, I should have some sort of an idea and I told him so.
He said, "You take your club in both hands . . .
Well folks, I knew right then that he didn't know what he was talking about.
Then he said, "Swing it over your shoulder . . "
No, no, that's not me at all. That's my brother he's talking about.
He asked, "How do your hold your club?"
And before I thought about it, I said, "With two fingers."
He said that wasn't right, got behind me, put two arms around me, and said for me to bend over and he would show me. Well, he couldn't catch me there for nothing. I didn't spend four years in the Navy for nothing.
He said, "You hit the ball with your club and it soars and soars. . ."
I could well imagine that.
". . and when you're on the green . . ."
"What's the green?"
"That's where the hole is."
"Sure you're not color blind?"
"Then you take your putter in your hands. . "
"What's a putter?"
"That's the smallest club made."
"That's what I got, a putter."
"And with it, you put your ball into the hole."
I corrected him, "You mean the putter."
"No, the ball. The hole isn't big enough for the ball and putter too."
Well, I've seen holes big enough for a horse and wagon.
"Then," he said, "after you finish with the first hole, you go on to the next 17."
Well, he certainly wasn't talking about me. After two holes I'm shot to hell.
"You mean you can't make 18 holes in one day?"
"Hell no! It takes me 18 days to make one hole!
Besides, how do I know when I am in the 18th hole?"
10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations
1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends... Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here? Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..
2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet... Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt? Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia..... why don't you try again.
3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask... Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people. Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter... Stupid Question:- Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good?? Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.
5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years Stupid Question:- Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big !! Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask... Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good? Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife beating, insensitive lout ... it's just the money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call... Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping? Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron !!
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair... Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut? Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......
9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth... Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts? Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office asks... Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke ? Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle ............it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!
One thousand dollars for an ice-cream sundae? Sixteen grand for a cocktail? Believe it or not, there really are foods and drinks that sell for this much--and there really are people who are willing to pay for them. 3-o
Here, 10 of the world's most expensive indulgences. Are they are worth the hefty price tag? You be the judge.
1. Saffron. Grown worldwide, this spice is derived from the saffron crocus flower. A pound of dry saffron requires 50,000 to 75,000 flowers (enough flowers to fill an entire football field), and because of the massive amount of resources and labor needed, saffron prices range from $500 to $5,000 a pound.
2. Almas caviar. The word 'almas' is Russian for diamond, which is a fitting name for the world's most expensive caviar. This beluga variety hails from a fish (not the beluga whale), which is believed to have once lived at the same time as the dinosaurs. Packed in none other than a 24K gold tin, Almas caviar is white in appearance and sells for an unbelievable price of $23,308 per 32 ounces.
3. White truffle mushroom. These fancy fungi have their origins in the Piedmont region of northern Italy. Typically sold for $1,350 to $2,700 per pound, the record price paid for a single white truffle was set in December 2007, when casino owner Stanley Ho shelled out $330,000 for a truffle weighing just over three pounds.
4. Kobe-style beef. This meat from Wagyu cattle is known worldwide for its incredible taste, texture, and marbled appearance. Because of the animal's genetic predisposition and special diet, including beer and sake, wagyu yields a beef that contains a higher percentage of omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids than typical beef. Grocery stores in the United States generally sell this sought-after meat for $40 to $150 a pound.
5. Kopi Luwak coffee. The world's most expensive coffee, Kopi Luwak is made from coffee berries that have been eaten by and passed through the digestive tract of the Asian Palm Civet, a catlike animal. The animal eats the berries, but the beans inside pass through its system undigested. This process takes place on the islands of Sumatra, Java, and Sulawesi in the Indonesian Archipelago, and in the Philippines. The total annual production is only around 500 pounds of beans, which may explain the outrageous price of a pound--$300 or more.
6. 'Diamonds-Are-Forever' martini. This ain't your everyday cocktail. The olive has been replaced by a 1.6 carat diamond, partially accounting for the martini's $16,000 price tag. If you're looking for a taste of this divine drink, though, you'll have to travel to the only place it's served: the Ritz-Carlton in Tokyo, Japan.
7. Kona Nigari water. This seaweed mineral concentrate, which sells for $16.75 per ounce, must first be mixed with regular drinking water before consuming. The concentrated water is said to be high in minerals and free of contaminates. If you're thinking about purchasing one gallon, though, you'd better have more than $2,000 set aside.
8. Chocopologie truffle. At $2,600 per pound, these handmade dark-chocolate treasures are available by pre-order only from Knipschildt Chocolatier in Norwalk, Connecticut. Each truffle, made from Valrhona cacao, is blended into a creamy ganache, hand-rolled, and dusted with cocoa powder. How's that for your next Valentine's Day gift?
9. Nino's Bellisima pizza. They say there's nothing like New York City pizza, and Upper East Side restaurateur Nino Selimaj proves it. This specialty 12-inch pie features lobster tail, crème fraiche, and six types of caviar. If you've got $1,000 to spare, the pie is yours. Just make sure you call 24 hours ahead because the ingredients must be specially ordered.
10. Serendipity sundae. Prepared with five scoops of the richest Tahitian vanilla bean ice cream and drizzled with some of the world's most expensive chocolates, this $1,000 dessert created by Serendipity in New York City certainly lives up to its name: Grand Opulence sundae. What's more, the treat is topped with special dessert caviar, adorned with a 23-karat edible gold leaf, and served in a crystal goblet complete with an 18-karat-gold spoon.
whewwww !!!!! that was a lot of expensive information for free !!
Statutory warning : This is pure copy-paste. NOT for the faint-hearted or delicate ones as this is a wee-bit naughty and might be offensive to some
A woman goes into a store to buy a fishing rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
The salesman is standing there, wearing dark glasses. She says, Excuse me, Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'
He says, 'Madam, I'm completely blind; but, if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes.'
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, 'that's a two metre Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 5-kg. Test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's on sale this Week for $44.'
She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!'
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
'Oh, that sounds like a Visa card, says the salesman.
As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed but then realizes there is no way the blind salesman could tell it was she who had farted.
The salesman rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $58.50 please.'
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't You tell me it was on sale for $44? How did you get to$58.50?'
'The Duck Caller is $11 and the Fish Bait is $3.50.
Statutory Warning : This is pure copy-paste...This was sent to me by a friend who thinks he is a Bad American
NO OFFENCE MEANT TO ANYONE PLEASE
YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN !!
I Am the Liberal-Progressives Worst Nightmare. I am an American.
I am a Master Mason and believe in God.
I ride Harley Davidson Motorcycles and believe in American products.
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some Liberal governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!
I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way!
I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.
I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything. Get over it!
I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, do it in English.
I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.
My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and Willie G Davidson that makes the Awesome Harley Davidson Motorcycles.
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.
I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time watching or arguing about it.
I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already.
I believe if you don't like the way things are here, go back to where you came from and change your own country! This is AMERICA .. We like it the way it is!
If you were born here and don't like it you are free to move to any Socialist country that will have you.
I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?
I also think the cops have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.
And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license.I think it's good.....
And I'm proud that 'God' is written on my money.
I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.
I believe the president of the United States should put his hand over his heart and say the pledge of allegiance and should have no reservations about wearing American flag pins on his lapel.
I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me stuff or trying to guilt me into making 'donations' to their cause. Get a Job and do your part!
I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.
I believe 'illegal' is illegal no matter what the lawyers think.
I believe the American flag should be the only one allowed in AMERICA !
If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.
We NEED GOD BACK IN OUR COUNTRY!
WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE, ONLY BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE !!!
whewwww !!!!! 
