Nopes I am not talking about the Romance by Ralph Lauren or the Alfred Sung creations she wears. I am talking about the true essence of being a woman. Has any man truly deeply inhaled the scent of a woman?
A true essence of a woman is her ability to dispense the perfume of love. I won’t go into the clichéd saying that to be a true woman you have to be a mother. No being a mother is the final burst of her gorgeous perfume.
Prior to that, a woman dispenses her scent in being just a woman. It’s her capability to be an independent thinker, her expertise in being a good daughter, a sister and most important being a very good friend.
Friends it’s very sad that when you inhale the scent of woman, you only inhale the perfume. Delve deep into her heart and take a deep breath. I promise you will inhale the most intoxicating aphrodisiac of this world.
Before I can tag two people of my own choice, I have to tell you five things about me that no one knows. Hmmm.. Very difficult, as I believe all of you know me inside out. Well, even then let me try.
Something from my childhood –
1. I used to be a tomboy growing up. My friends were all boys. I would fly kites, play marbles and gulli danda (sorry cannot translate that in English)
2. When I was in fourth grade I beat up the class bully. He was twice my size. He was picking on my friend, so I simply walked up to him, asked him to stop and when he did not, I beat him up with my belt.
Something from my teenage years –
3. I learned to ride a scooter and a motorcycle, but to this day I cannot ride a bicycle. My dad bought me a scooter as a gift for graduating 12th grade.
4. During my college days I went hiking with friends and got lost. We were supposed to reach the gate of a fort, but we landed the other side. At the base of the fort we faced a huge wall on one side and a deep valley on the other. Only way to get to the fort was by climbing the wall. So a friend climbed the wall with his bare hands, and then threw down a rope to us. As I climbed the rope, all my friends who had already reached the top started screaming at me to look up and not down. I figured this was so that I would not get scared. As I looked up, they started clicking my pictures. All that commotion was for me to look straight into the camera.
5. My first crush was also my first love. He asked me to go steady with him on a rainy day. He knew I loved the rain and getting wet in the drizzle. During such an afternoon, when it was drizzling lightly, he gave me a long stemmed rose and asked me to be his steady girlfriend. I accepted.
You called me today. To discuss financial matters, yet you called, after a very long time. Your number is still there in my phonebook. When the phone rang and your number showed I was surprised. Picked up the phone with shaking hands, but when I said “Hello” my voice was steady as a rock.
We discussed the sale of the house. You want me out of it as soon as possible. My answer to you was, “Won’t sell the house until I get a fair price for it”. Am I stalling, I do not know? All I know is I feel immense pain, whenever I think of you and my home. The feeling of betrayal within me is there forever.
I was rude to you over the phone. Showed you my tough exterior, but did you hear my silent scream of agony? Could you feel that I was weeping inside?
I hate you for betraying me, but when I hear your voice am reminded of my love for you. You voice cuts through all my wounds and reaches the deepest corner. There was a physical pain in my chest that stayed all day.
Please I beg you, go away. Go from my heart, my mind, my dreams and from my life. I don’t want any feelings, neither hatred nor of love for you. I don’t want to feel anymore. All I want is some peace. Grant me one last request, let me life my life in peace.
A difference of opinion that had started in the lobby has now spread to the blogs. The disagreement has now turned into a full-fledged blog war, which is getting ugly by the day. But have we really logically thought, why this is so? What is the main reason behind this war? Is it a war to capture mere cyber real estate? Or is it a war because two extreme male egos clashed? I believe it’s neither.
Most of the women that I know of in IFF joined it when they were at their lowest point in life. They came here searching for companionship, friendship and perhaps love. Personally I came here only to make friends.
My 4-month journey in IFF has taught me that there are 3 kinds of people here. First kind is the ones who look for sexual fulfillment in the cyber world. Second are the ones who prey on emotionally vulnerable people and try to con them into giving sexual as well as financial fulfillment. Third are those who support you in your road to recovery. I call the first two classes of people scammers and the third category as friends. I consider the second category of people the most dangerous of predators.
So why is it that the first two types of members despise the third type? My belief, it is so because true friends hate to see people getting hurt. They hate the fact that people they care about are being made a fool of. They are being conned of their dignity, their trust in people and their money. Hence true friends try to advice or warn them from the scammers. The conmen in turn when they see that their schemes are being foiled, hate the friends.
Ladies we only have ourselves to blame. We are so eager for acceptance from the opposite sex, that we are always ready to be fooled by them. We should treat other women members in IFF as sisters and share everything. That is the only way we’ll ever know who is scamming and multi-timing whom.
Interestingly most of the female friends I have made in IFF have been through a male friend. Why was it so? Why couldn’t the lady members extend their hand in friendship towards me when I was a newbie here? Why do we have to fight over man? Is getting scammed worth it?
Yes, Shaitaan was the male friend who introduced me to Trinity4Trip, CutieFromNorCal, Unique, Shy4163, Desi_Shah, MsRalphLauren, Namkeen, Devilish, Chitchat, Khatti_Meethi, and Saheli2You. All these excellent ladies are on my messenger. There are others whom I befriended in the lobby amongst them are Payal, CherithGirl and Sunbeam.
Question you should ask yourself is why does Shaitaan go around introducing women with other women? It is because he understands the mindset of the predators; who work on the policy of divide and rule. He knows that women when they bond are capable of fighting these predators off.
Ladies are we really that lonely? Do we need a man to make ourselves feel worthy? No, geographically we may be located thousands of miles apart. But in this new age of technology we are just a BUZZ!!! away.
Most of my friends have either left IFF or are in the verge of leaving. I too am seriously thinking of quitting IFF, never to return. But I have no regrets. I have made some excellent friends, brothers and sisters here. All of them are on my messenger list. All I have to do is BUZZ!!! them.
My name is Akash Singh. My death was reported on the bbc news website on the same day as that of famous film star Raj Kumar.
Before the news article I had not known anything about Mr. Raj Kumar. Well I had no idea about kannada movies you see. Now I know what a famous personality he was. So many people adored him. They called him their elder brother. People came out in droves to pay their last respects to him. They cried and grieved for him. So much so that their grief turned into rage, and they started destroying the city of Bangalore. Police clashed with the grieving masses and in these some more people died.
I wondered if Mr. Raj Kumar had met with a violent death like mine. You see a mad woman and a spiritual healer or tantrik under false pretenses took me away. They allured me with sweets, took me away to their house and in front of a goddess performed some rituals on me. I was scared and begged them to leave me. Instead they first cut off my tongue, and then my nose and fingers and finally they killed me. I died an agonizing death.
They killed me because the healer had promised this woman a restful sleep. She had nightmares and instead of going to a doctor she chose to consult a spiritual healer. The healer’s advice, if a young boy were sacrificed, then her nightmares would cease to plague her.
Did Mr. Raj Kumar die such a death too? In fact no, he died the normal death of man who has enjoyed a rich and full life. Then why do you cry for him so much? Don’t you feel a little bit sad, that my life was taken away prematurely? Does it not bother you that my death symbolizes the illiteracy, superstition and the abject poverty, which is still gripping rural India? Was my life any less worthy because I was born in an underprivileged stratum of the society?
Then, Why don’t you show your grieving rage for me? Why don’t you clash with the police, who are trying to hush up my murder? Why don’t you try and stop such future crimes from happening? Most of all Why don’t you cry for me?
Today I’d like to share with you part of my childhood. The person whom I’ll introduce you to is my grandfather, my mother’s dad. I called him Dadu. I lost my paternal grandparents at a very young age; my maternal grandparents were the only grandparents I ever knew.
I have not seen my Dadu in 8 years, ever since I came to USA. Even during my trips to India, I never got a chance to visit him. I was so wrapped up in my own life. But whenever I close my eyes and try to remember him, more than his face I can hear his voice. He had a deep voice.
Being the first grandchild, I always had a special place in his heart. I was the one who gave him the honor to be called a grandfather. My most happy memories of my Dadu are the ones, in which I’m sleeping by his side, on a lazy hot summer afternoon in Kanpur. Dadu would tell me all kinds of stories. My favorite ones were when he would tell me my mother’s and her siblings’ childhood antics. Then of course was the next favorite, stories of ghosts, demons, kings and princes. During every summer holiday I would go to Kanpur, plop myself next to dadu and ask him, tell me a ghost story. I knew at night it would scare me, yet I was addicted to them.
Dadu was very health conscious, he would not like to treat us to ice creams or chocolates. Instead we would get to eat the biggest watermelons, the juiciest of mangoes and the most delicious of sugar cane juices to drink. Sometimes if we were extra good then a grudging trip to the chaat vendor.
During my teenage years, Dadu and I had a few generation gap clashes. I believed he was too conservative and even said to him that I hated him.
However the same Dadu having heard of my pending divorce was very sad, even then he said its better to live a life of loneliness and contentment, then to be in an unhappy marriage. She should get out of this commitment that we have saddled her with. I guess his love for me overshadowed his beliefs.
Some weeks back I introduced you to my mashi, who survived cancer. Few days ago I received the news that she has been blessed with a grandson.
Tonight I received another piece of family news. My Dadu passed away. A part of me is relieved as he was ailing for sometime. It was heart wrenching to hear, a person who was always on the go and full of life was now lying bed ridden in a hospital. Breathing through an oxygen mask. Another part of me mourns the end of my childhood.
Dadu the cycle of life continues. We have a new arrival in our family, yet you leave us. I will always hear your voice telling me stories; smell and taste the mangoes you brought for me and see you whenever I close my eyes.
Dadu, I always loved you very much. I will miss you.
Today I received an email from KD. In it he has described his experience of the weekend. Here is the part pertaining to me and I quote, ” > Then of course there is this amazing woman...for whom i was continuously threatened that if not the woods definitely the house would catch fire..She smokes more than she can count....Man it was life threatening....Even her cooking reflected the same...it was so palatable that I ate like a hog...and the chance of me exploding or being called 'fat'(which is as bad) increased two folds....and man can she drive....”
These few sentences made me realize that I had broken all my promises. Vows that I had made to myself after my ex left me. I had vowed never to care too much for anyone. Promised myself never to cook another meal. Swore never to smoke less, even if my mother asked me to. Thought I would never be able to have a sound sleep in my life. Yet all those declarations to my self were disintegrated right before my very own eyes.
I found out that I cared so much for a couple, that when they are happy I am happy and their unhappiness pains me. I was made to realize that someone who calls me mama really means it. So much so that he danced with me like a son would. Found out that a 5’11” guy can fit into a 4’10” couch, so that I can sleep in a queen size bed. Also the same person had the ability to make me laugh so much that I laughed uncontrollably while driving. Saw the zest and zeal of living in two amazing women.
I have been taking baby steps to gather control of my life. This weekend one such step was to go on my first long distance interstate drive, New York to Pennsylvania. What was so amazing was the fact that I drove at night, at times through pouring rain, got lost in the woods. Yet was neither tired nor afraid.
I realized I could go an entire day without walking, not because I was lazing around, because I was dancing for 24 hours. Finally when I slept I did sleep like a baby. When someone came and put the covers on me I had no clue. I also smoked less, unlike what KD said. I only smoked one pack of cigarettes that too sharing them with others. Cooked a meal after nine months. A meal when it was licked clean, I was happy and proud to have dished it out. Most of all this weekend I decided to go to a casino. Not to gamble for myself, but to lend moral support for a person who respects me. This is the most important vow of all that I am breaking. My words that I had so proudly given to myself are haunting and taunting me now.
KD, YS, I want to see you happy at all times. Baby boy, you are truly my darling boy. DB thanks for being such a good friend. You are absolutely right; it’s better to have good friends, than a husband or a boy friend. ST and AS you too are amazing. Can’t wait for you gals to come down to New York and have another blast.
This weekend I got lost in the woods of Poconos, twice. Once while searching for our vacation home and another while hiking, only to re-discover myself.
To tell you the truth I was dreading my birthday. In fact I was feeling so miserable for the last two days, thinking I would have to spend my birthday all alone that I broke down several times.
However as of 5th of April people started wishing me. Some of my friends here too came online and wished me. Their excuse, according to IST it was already my birthday.
However in the evening my sense of despair returned. I called my parents and was wished by them. Payal who was on my YM, sensed my misery and called me, we cried together a lot till we got tired. Then we both decided to go to the lobby. In the lobby I was enjoying myself chatting with friends. Just before midnight Shaitaan gave me a call on my YM.
At the stroke of midnight all hell broke loose. Deucebigellow my brother was the first one to wish me in the lobby. Then everyone was wishing me.
Shaitaan was blowing party pipes on my YM. Namkeen gave me a call and at the same time KD and YS did. I had to put KD and YS on hold to talk to Namkeen. In short I was going freaking crazy and loving it. . Early morning I was woken up by Payal’s phone again. This time she called me into the lobby. Apparently they were all waiting to wish me. In the lobby I was wished by so many people that now I cannot recall all their names.
Through out the day my phone kept ringing. I talked on the phone so long that I was late for work. At work my coworkers treated me to lunch. Even it being my birthday, my workday was very busy. I rushed back home and got ready to go to the Bengali restaurant Babu in the village. KD and YS were treating me to a birthday dinner.
I was already very late when I reached Babu. There was no one in sight. The restaurant was deserted, and I received calls that KD,YS,MG his wife were going to be late. JJ another friend called and said he waited for me a long time and had returned home. My birthday dinner had lost all its charm. Still I decided to go into the restaurant and have dinner by myself. As I opened the glass doors, I hear this big noise from the corner of the room “SUURRPPRRIIISSEEEE”.
The noise startled me and I cried out loud. Even before I could gather my composure, everyone had surrounded me, there were hugs and kisses flying, gifts being pressed into my hands. I did not know what to do, I just kept laughing. Everyone was there. KD directed me to my seat, I looked at him and said, “This was your idea, you did all this, leaving me false messages”. He just gave me his impish grin and nodded his head. Dinner was wonderful we had authentic Bengali food. MG my colleague who is from Russia, and his wife enjoyed the food a lot. However when they raised their glasses to toast for my happiness, I couldn’t hold back my tears.
How time flied I did not know. We all had a long workday behind us and another one beckoned us. Still I did not feel like getting up. Finally the waiter brought a big chocolate cake and placed it in front of me. I cut the cake and said “There goes my diet” . KD immediately jumped at me saying “One day you can forget your diet, now cut the cake and gimme the rest”.
When it was time to bid goodbye to all my dear friends, I was sad. I hugged KD very hard, wouldn’t let go of him and said “You shouldn’t have done so much, all I wanted was not to be alone for my birthday”, his reply “I did nothing”. After a final round of hugs and kisses we parted ways.
On my train ride back home, I thought, these wonderful people whom I have known for only a month. They took such great pain, invested so much time, effort and money to celebrate my day. Who says I live alone in New York. No way, tonight I am born again. I have a new loving caring family.
From the bottom of my heart I thank all those caring friends in IFF who wished me, and made me feel special.
To my new family I have no words to describe my love for you.
Yesterday I read an article on BBC news website about female feticide, how it has led to a demographic gap in the male to female ratio in India. Today there was another article on the custom of buying and selling brides in the state of Haryana. Girls belonging to impoverished families from the remote areas of the state of Jharkhand are brought to other states and sold as brides.
Some of these girls are very young and yet they get married to men who are 20-30 years older to them. The younger the girls are the better. Reason they can work hard in the fields and still give their men sexual satisfaction. Women in these parts of the world are treated worse then cattle. Sometimes they get sold multiple times. Yes, I am using the word sold because the word marriage does not do justice to these sex slaves. Marriage as a custom is being abused to the hilt here. Men in these parts of the world are not looking for wives or life partners they are looking for slaves. One who would work for them day and night and still can remain unpaid.
I read these two articles and somehow compared it with my experience in the lobby yesterday. One of the chatters came in and started to pick on each and every woman in the lobby. He would call them names, insult them and make derogatory statements about their ages and their ability to bear children. I kept quiet as long as my patience allowed. But when he started to abuse Mayade and Payal, I couldn’t keep quiet anymore.
When I confronted him, his sole excuse was he was looking for cheap entertainment. He finds his entertainment in abusing the women of IFF. He even claimed to be a gentleman. I am sorry to say, his behavior was far from that of a distinguished gentleman. In fact he behaved like a sorry ass dick head. I kept on plaguing him till he apologized to Payal. Mayade by then had already left the lobby.
Who gave the men of this world, right to abuse women in any form?
People we are women; we have a mind, a heart, a soul. We are not a mere body. We are definitely not chattels. We need love; compassion, empathy and above all we need respect. We are not demanding respect from you; all we are saying is show us the respect we’re entitled to. We believe we’ve earned it.
We have worked hard enough in our lives to reach the position we’re in today. Professionally we can beat any man in our respective businesses, whether we’re working in the crops, the corporate or the technical fields. Personally we have more compassion, empathy and kindness for our fellow human beings. We are proud women and definitely not some man’s Cheap Entertainment.
Lately people have been very critical and downright nasty about my friend Shaitaan the Devil. People believe he is the devil incarnate of IFF. Yet there are some of us, agreed mostly women who are his most loyal friends and are willing to stand by him.
All of us are very independent and free spirited. Do not think of us as the Devil’s handmaidens or consort. Instead try to ask yourself what makes Shaitaan so special, that he evokes such loyalty amongst his friends. Ask yourself, where you fall short that you are incapable of gaining such friendship? Friendship like Rainstorm, who got herself banned from IFF, like MsRalphLauren who quit IFF out of sheer disgust, like Trinity4Trip who turned her gentle disposition into that of a crusader.
I will tell you why. The Shaitaan that I know of is no lecherous predator. In fact he’s the most gentle friend, philosopher and guide that I have ever known. He has stayed by my side all those nights and days when I needed a friend to talk to desperately. All of you know about my story, I pour my heart out in my blogs. But there are something’s that I have never told anyone, except for Shaitaan. These are not my fantasies or sexual cravings, as most of his contenders would like you to believe. In fact they are my most tragic and personal experiences. Experiences that had broken my spirit had me doubt myself as a woman. Only Shaitaan saw through my real pain and from time to time gave me support, advice and all the understanding in this world.
He is the reason, that I’m going out and making friends. Having fun at the parties, dancing my nights away. He is a person who is capable of laughing at my initial drunken exploits; yet careful enough to caution me that if these exploits become a regular affair. Then he would come and whoop my ass. According to him, my life is too precious and it would be unworthy of me to become a drunkard over some man. If he were a cyber predator, he would not have encouraged me to go out, would he?
Another allegation that Shaitaan has faced is that he asks people for cam sex. The mere idea was so laughable to me that after the initial disgust, I laughed hysterically. Folks, there has been times. When I got dressed to go to a party, sent Shaitaan an SMS on his phone, irrespective of the time difference, he came online. I switched on my cam and asked him how did I look? Most of the times he complimented, sometimes he suggested and very rarely he criticized the way I looked. Then he would bid me goodbye and ask me to have fun in the party and try to get myself a man. I ask you, is this the behavior of a lecherous man who demands cam sex? Or is it the support of a true friend.
Do not judge Shaitaan by his name; instead judge him by his attitude and behavior. Even in the lobby when he is mean to a person, it is so because he’s fighting someone else’s battles. He is trying to protect some woman from a real abuser.
Friends had there been no Shaitaan. Most of the women in IFF would be man-hating bitches. He made us realize that all men are not alike. There are some men in this world, who are worthy of being very good friends. I choose to be Shaitaan’s friend, not his sister, girl friend, nor lover, but simply a friend.
If there is any god, then he has granted real women insights to recognize the few good men that he created. Women are born with instincts to differentiate between the true men and the fakers. For this woman the choice is clear, she would gladly choose to dance with the Devil of IFF.
Note: I had kept quiet for so long, as I had promised to Shaitaan not to speak out. But now I cannot take it anymore and am breaking my promise. Foes of Shaitaan am ready for your brick bats, friends of Shaitaan its our one true test. Lets unite
Recently, YS my girlfriend got involved with a very fine young man. I like him a lot as a friend and am very happy for YS. Theirs was love at first sight (yes miracles like this still happen, unbelievable isn’t it).
However the next day she was plagued by the usual doubts, was she doing the right thing? Should she go ahead with this relationship? She finally called me to ask for my advice (funny isn’t it since my love life is in shambles). She considers me her elder sister.
The only advice I could give her was “take it slow”. I told her, “You just got acquainted to this young man. Give yourself time. Go out with him, get to know him, and if you think you are ready for more, then take your relationship to the next level. You can even move in with him”.
The idea of moving in appalled her. She is still bound by our Indian cultural values. I explained to her, that moving in is no worse than getting married to an unknown man. If I could do it, then you could move in with a person you love.
I believe relationship is like a fine wine. It starts as grape juice, with age it turns into a fine bottle of wine. Honesty in a relationship is the cork of the bottle. Once there’s no honesty it turns into vinegar and then the relationship is soured.
I need your inputs; did I give her the right advice? (As I’m no great success in relationships, wonder why people ask my advice)
As of know she has decided to give this friend of mine a chance.
