once upon a time the colors of the world started to quarrel. All claimed that they were the best;the most important,the most useful,the favorite
green said: "clearly i am the most important. I am the sign of life and of hope. I was chosen for grass, trees and leaves. Without me, all .b..b. anima ./b.l./b.s would die. Look over the countryside and you will see that i am in the majority."
blue interrupted: "you only think about the earth, but consider the sky and the sea. It is the water that is the basis of life and drawn up by the clouds from the deep sea. The sky gives space and peace and serenity. Without my peace, you would all be nothing."
yellow chuckled: "you are all so serious. I bring laughter, gaiety, and warmth into the world. The sun is yellow, the moon is yellow, the stars are yellow. Every time you look at a sunflower, the whole world starts to smile. Without me there would be no fun."
orange started next to blow her trumpet: "i am the color of health and strength. I may be scarce, but i am precious for i serve the needs of human life. I carry the most important vitamins. Think of carrots, pumpkins, oranges, mangoes, and papayas. I don't hang around all the time, but when i fill the sky at sunrise or sunset, my beauty is so striking that no one gives another thought to any of you."
red could stand it no longer, he shouted out: "i am the ruler of all of you. I am blood - life's blood! I bring fire into the blood. I am willing to fight for a cause. I am the color of danger and of bravery. Without me, the earth would be as empty as the moon. I am the color of passion and of love, the red rose, the poinsettia and the poppy."
purple rose up to his full height: he was very tall and spoke with great pomp: "i am the color of royalty and power. Kings, chiefs, and bishops have always chosen me, for i am the sign of authority and wisdom. People do not question me! They listen and obey."
finally indigo spoke, much more quietly than all the others, but with just as much determination: "think of me. I am the color of silence. You hardly notice me, but without me you all become superficial. I represent thought and reflection, twilight and deep water. You need me for balance and contrast, for prayer and inner peace."
so the colors went on boasting, each convinced of his or her own superiority. Their quarreling became louder and louder. Suddenly there was a startling flash of bright lightening.
Thunder rolled and boomed. Rain started to pour down relentlessly. The colors crouched down in fear, drawing close to one another for comfort. In the midst of the clamor, rain began to speak: "you foolish colors, fighting amongst yourselves, each trying to dominate the rest.
Don't you know that you were each made for a special purpose, unique and different? Join hands with one another and come to me." doing as they were told, the colors united and joined hands.
The rain continued: "from now on, when it rains, each of you will stretch across the sky in a great bow of color as a reminder that you can all live in peace. The rainbow is a sign of hope for tomorrow." and so, whenever a good rain washes the world, and a rainbow appears in the sky, let us remember to appreciate one another
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There would be a "Rehearsal Dinner Kegger" until the cops showed up.
Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cutoffs and halter-tops.
They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing than not.
Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have Matching team colors.
June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs.
Vows would mention cooking and \bsexo?\b specifically, but omit that "forsaking all others part.
The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped up '73 Charger or some Other Mopar with racing tires and flame designs on the side of the car. Better yet, a Harley!
Idiots who tried to dance with the bride (unless they were really old) would get punched in the head.
Big, slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of "Best Man".
There would be "Tailgate Receptions".
Outdoor weddings would be held during sporting events at half-time or between innings.
Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long. Ceremonies and honeymoons would be inexpensive compared to the cost of the bachelor party.
The cost of strippers and liquor really do add up.
Men wouldn't ask, "Well, what do you think, dear? The burgundy or the winecolored napkins?" They'd just grab extras from their local pub or tavern.
Favors would be matchbooks and cigars. Better yet, free drink passes at the local lounge.
Instead of a sit-down dinner or a buffet, there would be a hog roast or buckets of chicken, pizza and plenty of bar-b-que.
No one would bother with that "Veil Routine". But they would insist that the garter be as high up on her leg as it could go.
The bridal bouquet would be recycled from a previous funeral/wedding (what's the difference) or something.
Invitations would read as follow... Tom (dick or Harry) is getting the old ball and chain... He's getting married. He either:
A) knocked her up couldn't get a different roommate or C) caved in to her ultimatum.
Please meet the woman who will cook and clean for him for the rest of his life at Soldier Field Stadium on the 50 Yard Line At Half-time during Sunday's Game. Please join us at the Moonlight Lounge after the game for Beer, Nachos and Pizza.
If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story Below will have you laughing out LOUD!
Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet. Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his Room.
"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious dad, can you help?"
I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, Looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.
"Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"
"Oh my! Gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."
"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
I was equally outraged.
"Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to Reproduce," I accused my wife.
"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she Inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)
"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her (in my Most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).
Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she Informed me (again with the sarcasm, you think?).
By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I Shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.
"Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced. "We're About to witness the miracle of birth."
"Oh, gross!" they shrieked.
"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we goin g to do with a litter Of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do Think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)
We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a Tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.
"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.
"It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next Appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more Times with the same results.
"Should I call 911," my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could Talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females In my house?)
"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.
We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can Be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one Thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)
The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little Animal through a magnifying glass.
"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.
"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. And Mrs. Cameron, may I Speak to you privately for a moment?"
I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
"Oh, perfectly," the Vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labour. In Fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, Like most male species, they um....um....mast.rbate. Just the way he Did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife.
"Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."
We were silent, absorbing this.
"So Ernie's just...just... Excited," my wife offered.
"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.
More silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And Giggle. And then even laugh loudly.
"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the Woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.
Tears were now running down her face. Laughing "It's just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on its... its...teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.
"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Vet and hurriedly bundled the lizards and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay. I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me.
Oh, you have NO idea,"
Closed mouth, my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
2 - Lizards - $140... 1 - Cage - $50... Trip to the Vet - $30... Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie.....Priceless
Moral of the story - finish biology class - lizards lay eggs!!!!
Well today we all are sitting in the world of softwares and the life at every stage is crossed by one or other euqipment/device that uses one or other software code. Now here I am dedicating the following poem to all those from programmer community who work on all these software programs to make our life easier / miserable.....
Read On
yeh document, yeh meetings, yeh features ki duniya, yeh insaan ke dushman, cursors ki duniya yeh deadlines ke bhooke, management ki duniya; yeh Product agar ban bhi jaaye to kya hai?
yahaan ek khilona hai programmer ki hasti ye basti hai murda bug fixers ki basti yahaan par to raises hai, inflation se sasti yeh Review agar ho bhi jaaye to kya hai?
har ek keyboard ghayal, har ek login pyaasi excel mein uljhan, winword mein udaasi yeh office hai ya aalame microsoft ki yeh Release agar ho bhi jaaye to kya hai?
jalaa do ise, phoonk daalo yeh monitor mere saamne se hataa daalo yeh modem tumhaara hai tumhi sambhaalo yeh computer yeh Product agar chal bhi jaaye to kya hai? PS -
Team IFF Please look into this as if I tranlate/transliterate this poem in pure English, the shine of the diamond would be lost
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman If you don't, you are not a man If you praise her, she thinks you are lying If you don't, you are good for nothing If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp If you don't, you are not understanding If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy If you don't, you are a dull boy If you are jealous, she says it's bad If you don't, she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her If you don't, she thinks you do not like her If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait If she is late, she says that's a girl's way If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time" If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls" If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring If you talk, she wants you to listen If you listen, she wants you to talk
In short:
So simple, yet so complex So weak, yet so powerful So confusing, yet so desirable So damning, yet so wonderful
Great thoughts ...very inquisitive words from a matured person, let me share english that comes with different spoken accent in various part of india and outside..here you go............
Why English Is So Difficult
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim. Anonymous
Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English; 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) There is no time like the present, he said it was time to present the present. At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum. 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 1 After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number. 19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. 20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? 22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine In pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England .
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
If Dad is Pop, how come! Mom isn't Mop?
GO FIGURE! That's American English.
Unlike Sanskri,t English has its own rules of pronounciation & Grammar in a different way based on the where the words have derived from.
For example CH is pronounced as ka when the word is derived from Greek. eg character = karakter CH is pronounced as sha when the word is derived from French. eg champagne,chateau
A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry what is your problem?”. Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!”. The teacher had had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agrees to take the test.
Principal: What is 3 x 3? Harry: 9
Principal: What is 6 x 6? Harry: 36
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grade should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the third grade”.The teacher says to the principal, “Hold on, let me ask some questions?” The principal and Harry agree.The Teacher asks, “What does a cow has four of that I have only two of?”
Harry, “LEGS”
Teacher: “What is in your pants that you have but I don’t have?”
The Principal starts sweating.
Harry, “POCKETS.”
Now no reactions or special face symbols dot Harry’s face. He remains absolutely cool.
Teacher: What starts with a C & ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contain thin whitish liquid?
Harry: Coconut
The Principal’s eyes open really wide, Harry was taking charge.
Teacher: What goes in hard and pink, then comes out soft and sticky?
Harry: Bubblegum.
Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog on three legs?
Harry: Shake hands
Teacher: Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of questions, answer me.
Harry (unfenced): Shoot
Teacher: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Harry: TENT
Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.
Principal gets restless and a bit tense.
Harry: Wedding Ring
Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I am not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Harry: NOSE
Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Harry: Arrow
The principal breathing a sigh of relief and shouted at the teacher, “put Harry in the 5th grade, I missed the last ten questions myself.”
TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken , it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.
A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "Public Utilities Board." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is Public Utilities Board. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is." Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "Public Utilities Board".
There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.
A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted," I, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered," You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you." Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.
A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?" The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."
We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves. If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.
A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one." The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television." There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off,they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.
Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character." It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness. It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations. .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- - PERSONAL PERCEPTION*
Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them rides on the donkey?" Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.
Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman." The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.
It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.
Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear..
This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, and hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital. Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, "Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father went home & committed suicide. Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.
People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.
*"Good Life starts only when you stop wanting a better One" *
Fresh Air.... Fresh Idea.... Fresh Talent.... Fresh Energy.... I wish U to have a ..... Sweetest Sunday, Marvellous Monday, Tasty Tuesday, Wonderful Wednesday, Thankful Thursday, Friendly Friday, Successful Saturday. Have a great Year. HAPPY NEW YEAR
couldn't get a different roommate or
