once upon a time the colors of the world started to quarrel. All claimed that they were the best;the most important,the most useful,the favorite
green said: "clearly i am the most important. I am the sign of life and of hope. I was chosen for grass, trees and leaves. Without me, all .b..b. anima ./b.l./b.s would die. Look over the countryside and you will see that i am in the majority."
blue interrupted: "you only think about the earth, but consider the sky and the sea. It is the water that is the basis of life and drawn up by the clouds from the deep sea. The sky gives space and peace and serenity. Without my peace, you would all be nothing."
yellow chuckled: "you are all so serious. I bring laughter, gaiety, and warmth into the world. The sun is yellow, the moon is yellow, the stars are yellow. Every time you look at a sunflower, the whole world starts to smile. Without me there would be no fun."
orange started next to blow her trumpet: "i am the color of health and strength. I may be scarce, but i am precious for i serve the needs of human life. I carry the most important vitamins. Think of carrots, pumpkins, oranges, mangoes, and papayas. I don't hang around all the time, but when i fill the sky at sunrise or sunset, my beauty is so striking that no one gives another thought to any of you."
red could stand it no longer, he shouted out: "i am the ruler of all of you. I am blood - life's blood! I bring fire into the blood. I am willing to fight for a cause. I am the color of danger and of bravery. Without me, the earth would be as empty as the moon. I am the color of passion and of love, the red rose, the poinsettia and the poppy."
purple rose up to his full height: he was very tall and spoke with great pomp: "i am the color of royalty and power. Kings, chiefs, and bishops have always chosen me, for i am the sign of authority and wisdom. People do not question me! They listen and obey."
finally indigo spoke, much more quietly than all the others, but with just as much determination: "think of me. I am the color of silence. You hardly notice me, but without me you all become superficial. I represent thought and reflection, twilight and deep water. You need me for balance and contrast, for prayer and inner peace."
so the colors went on boasting, each convinced of his or her own superiority. Their quarreling became louder and louder. Suddenly there was a startling flash of bright lightening.
Thunder rolled and boomed. Rain started to pour down relentlessly. The colors crouched down in fear, drawing close to one another for comfort. In the midst of the clamor, rain began to speak: "you foolish colors, fighting amongst yourselves, each trying to dominate the rest.
Don't you know that you were each made for a special purpose, unique and different? Join hands with one another and come to me." doing as they were told, the colors united and joined hands.
The rain continued: "from now on, when it rains, each of you will stretch across the sky in a great bow of color as a reminder that you can all live in peace. The rainbow is a sign of hope for tomorrow." and so, whenever a good rain washes the world, and a rainbow appears in the sky, let us remember to appreciate one another
TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN A LAW FIRM, ARE NOT:
10. Have you looked through her briefs? 9. He is one hard judge. 8. Counsellor, let's do it in chambers. 7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute. 6 Is it a penal offence? 5. Better leave the handcuffs on. 4. For $200 an hour, she better be good! 3. Can you get him to drop his suit? 2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could. And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in law isn't 1. Think you can get me off?
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TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN THE OFFICE, ARE NOT:
10. I need to whip it out by 5. 9. Mind if I use your laptop? 8. Just stick it in my box. 7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag! 6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!!! 5. HMMMMM, I think it's out of fluid! 4. My equipment is so old; it takes forever to finish. 3. It's an entry-level position. 2. When do you think you'll be getting off today? And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but at the office isn't 1. It's not fair. I do all the work while he just sits there!!!
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TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN GOLF, ARE NOT:
10. Damn, my shaft is bent. 9. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. 8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. 7. Look at the size of his putter. 6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more. 5. Mind if I join your threesome? 4. Stand with your back turned and drop it. 3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip! 2. Nice stroke, but your follow-through leaves a lot to be desired. And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in golf isn't 1. Hold up! I need to wash my balls first!
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most.
"When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?
The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the jerk dig. I had him buried upside down."
A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on it for the first time, virtues and vices floated around and were bored, not knowing what to do. One day, all the vices and virtues were gathered together and were more bored than ever. Suddenly, Ingenious came up with an idea: "Let's play hide and seek!" All of them liked the idea and immediately Madness shouted: "I want to count, I want to count!" And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek Madness, all the others agreed. Madness leaned against a tree and started to count:"One, two, three..." As Madness counted, the vices and virtues went hiding. Tenderness hung itself on the horn of the moon...Treason hid in a pile of garbage... Fondness curled up between the clouds...and Passion went to the center of the earth.... Lie said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of the lake... Whilst Greed entered a sack that he ended up breaking. And Madness continued to count: "... Seventy nine, eighty, eighty one..." By this time, all the vices and virtues were already hidden – except Love. For undecided as Love is, he could not decide where to hide. And this should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide Love. Madness: "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..." Just when Madness got to one hundred.........Love jumped into a rose bush where he hid. And Madness turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!" As Madness turned around, Laziness was the first to be found, because Laziness had no energy to hide. Then he spotted Tenderness in the horn of the moon, Lie at the bottom of the lake and Passion at the center of the earth. One by one, Madness found them all - except Love. Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love. Envious of Love, Envy whispered to Madness: "You only need to find Love, and Love is hiding in the rose bush."Madness grabbed a wooden pitchfork and stabbed wildly at the rose bush. Madness stabbed and stabbed until a heartbreaking cry made him stop. Love appeared from the rose bush, covering his face with his hands. Between his fingers ran two trickles of blood from his eyes. Madness, so anxious to find Love, had stabbed out Love's eyes with a pitchfork."What have I done? What have I done!”? Madness shouted. "I have left you blind! How can I repair it?" And Love answered: "You cannot repair my eyes. But if you want to do something for me, you can be my guide." And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness.
SATAN'S MEETING: (Read even if you're busy. Very well written.)
Satan called a worldwide convention of demons.
In his opening address he said,
"We can't keep people from going to pray."
"We can't keep them from reading their holy books and knowing the truth."
"We can't even keep them from forming an intimate relationship with their GOD."
"Once they gain that connection with GOD, our power over them is broken."
"So let them go to their prayers; let them have their covered dish dinners, BUT steal their time, so they don't have time to develop a relationship with GOD.." "This is what I want you to do," said the devil:
"Distract them from gaining hold of their GOD and maintaining that vital connection throughout their day!"
"How shall we do this?" his demons shouted.
"Keep them busy in the non-essentials of life and invent innumerable schemes to occupy their minds," he answered.
"Tempt them to spend, spend, spend, and borrow, borrow, borrow."
"Persuade the wives to go to work for long hours and the husbands to work 6-7 days each week, 10-12 hours a day, so they can afford their empty lifestyles."
"Keep them from spending time with their children."
"As their families fragment, soon, their homes will offer no escape from the pressures of work!"
"Over-stimulate their minds so that they cannot hear that still, small voice."
"Entice them to play the radio or cassette player whenever they drive." To keep the TV, VCR, CDs and their PCs going constantly in their home and see to it that every store and restaurant in the world plays non-biblical music constantly."
"This will jam their minds and break that union with God."
"Fill the coffee tables with magazines and newspapers."
"Pound their minds with the news 24 hours a day."
"Invade their driving moments with billboards."
"Flood their mailboxes with junk mail, mail order catalogs, sweepstakes, and every kind of newsletter and promotional offering free products, services and false hopes.."
"Keep skinny, beautiful models on the magazines and TV so their husbands will believe that outward beauty is what's important, and they'll become dissatisfied with their wives. "
"Keep the wives too tired to love their husbands at night."
"Give them headaches too! "
"If they don't give their husbands the love they need, they will begin to look elsewhere."
"That will fragment their families quickly!"
"Give them distractions to distract them from teaching their children the real meaning of life."
"Even in their recreation, let them be excessive."
"Have them return from their recreation exhausted."
"Keep them too busy to go out in nature and reflect on God's creation. Send them to amusement parks, sporting events, plays, concerts, and movies instead."
"Keep them busy, busy, busy!"
"And when they meet for spiritual fellowship, involve them in gossip and small talk so that they leave with troubled consciences."
"Crowd their lives with so many good causes they have no time to seek power from GOD."
"Soon they will be working in their own strength, sacrificing their health and family for the good of the cause."
"It will work!"
"It will work!"
It was quite a plan!
The demons went eagerly to their assignments causing people everywhere to get busier and more rushed, going here and there.
Having little time for their God or their families.
Having no time to tell others about the power of GOD to change lives.
I guess the question is, has the devil been successful in his schemes?
Atomic mass : Accepted as 53.6 Kg; isotopes may vary from 40-200 kg.
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES .
1. Boils at room temperature
2. Freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter, if incorrectly used.
5. Sweet as Honey if given a proper treatment.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES .
1. Have great affinity for Gold, Silver and a range of precious stones and absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
2. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
3. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by that.
4. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
COMMON USES .
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be great aid to relaxation.
TESTS .
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy.
2. Turns green when placed behind a better specimen.
POTENTIAL HAZARD
Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come in direct contact with each other.
For attractive lips, Speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, Seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, Share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, Let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day. For poise, Walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone. People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others. The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows. And the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!
When I stand up for myself and my beliefs,they call me a bitch.
When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.
When I speak my mind,think my own thoughts or do things my own way,they call me a bitch. Bitchology
When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.
When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a bitch.
Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.
When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch.
The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid.
It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.
I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed. And if that makes me a bitch, so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it !!!!
B = Babe I = In T = Total C = Control of H = Herself
B = Beautiful I = Intelligent T = Talented C = Charming H = Hell of a Woman
B = Beautiful I = Individual T = That C = Can H = Handle anything
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I Have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten Days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 15 times you pretended to be asleep 22 times you had a headache 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby 16 times you said you were too sore 12 times it was the wrong time of the month 19 times you had to get up early 9 times you said weren't in the mood 7 times you were sunburned 6 times you were watching the late show 5 times you didn't want to muss your new hair-do 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us 9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory Because:
6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me there's a Crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished, and one time I Was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons You didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat 36 times you did not come home at all 21 times you didn't cum 33 times you came too soon 19 times you went soft before you got in 38 times you worked too late 10 times you got cramps in your toes 29 times you had to get up early to play golf 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running 2 times you had a splinter in your finger 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book 98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
Of the times we did get together the reason I laid still was Because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn't talking About the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "would you prefer Me on my back or kneeling?” The time you felt me move was because You farted and I was trying to breathe.
