******ADVANTAGES OF BEING A WOMAN******** Jan 23, 2008 1:00 pm 1523 Views Why it's better to be a Woman! 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point). 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. 18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. 19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. 20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. 21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. 22. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. 25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. 26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 27. We'll never regret piercing our ears. 28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. 29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. 30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions. 10 Comments

********When Girls Don't Put Out*********** Jan 21, 2008 4:16 pm 1202 Views Ladies be forwarned, the guys are gettin smarter, When girls don't put out!! This was written by a guy ... it's pretty damn smart. Girls -- Please have a sense of humor! I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit." We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?" I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her. Alright Ladies. Forward this if you agree. Hell even if you disagree, forward it anyway. Men, forward this if you have BALLS!!! p.s. the pic has no bearing on the above story, i just thought he was ohhhhhhhh soooooooo tasty mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 7 Comments

*******I CRIED FOR YOU TODAY*************** Jan 19, 2008 11:12 am 1484 Views I cried for you... The one i've lost I cried for you... The one i can not have I cried for you... The one who has not yet come I cried for you... the ones i love I cried for you... The one who is fading away I cried for you... The one i have to share I cried for you... The one i foolishly let go I cried for you... The one who's child i bear I cried for you... The one i will give my heart too I cried for me... Woes me, for i must bare the pain of love Until the one who loves me........ Cries for me................... 15 Comments

****APPLICATION FOR A DATE********* Jan 13, 2008 7:26 pm Mood: naughty, 1976 Views OHHHH GEEZ, i'm sooooooooo Bad for doing this,..... Application for a Date NAME___________ ADRESS______________________ SEX___HEIGHT____WEIGHT____COMPLEXION____EYES____ DIVORCED______SEPERATED______SINGLE______ DO YOU DRINK?____FUK?____69?_____HOW OFTEN?____ ARE YOU HOT-NATURED? YES______ NO__________ HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU LIKE TO FUK IN 1 NIGHT? TWO TIMES___THREE TIMES___ALL NIGHT___ DO YOU STAY ALL NIGHT?_____ IF NOT, HOW LATE?____ EQUIPMENT SIZE:SM___MED___LARGE___X-LARGE___ CHOOSE YOUR FAVORITE: TOP___SIDEWAYS___ CROSSWAYS___ANYWAY___ WHEN YOU COME, DO YOU: SOB___CRY___SCREAM___ WIGGLE___ PASS OUT___ DO YOU WANT TO FUK NOW? YES____ NO____ DO YOU GET HIGH ON: LIQOUR___POT___LUDES___COKE__ DO YOU PREFER: MOVIES___PLAYS___ORGIES___SPORTS__ IF YOU'VE EVER BEEN FUKED BEFORE, GIVE 2 NAMES AND PHONE NUMBERS AS REFERENCES: 1.____________________________________________ 2.___________________________________________ 23 Comments

************WHY WOMEN CRY*********** Jan 10, 2008 9:03 pm 1578 Views A little boy asked his mother, 'Why are you crying?' 'Because I'm a woman,' she told him. 'I don't understand,' he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, 'And you never will.' Later the little boy asked his father, 'Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?' 'All women cry for no reason,' was all his dad could say. The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, 'God, why do women cry so easily?' God said: 'When I made the woman she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children. I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue with out complaining. I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly. I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly. And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.' 'You see my son,' said God, 'the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides.' 12 Comments

************FOR MY SON************** Jan 8, 2008 5:54 pm 1456 Views Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you, For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends with you His might that His arrows might go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable. Kahlil Gibran 12 Comments

*********A Friend in need.........********** Jan 6, 2008 9:06 pm 1247 Views A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package. What food might this contain?' The mouse wondered - - - he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap. Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning : There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!' The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, 'Mr.-Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it.' The mouse turned to the pig and told him, 'There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!' The pig sympathized, but said, I am so very sorry, Mr.Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers.' The mouse turned to the cow and said 'There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!' The cow said, 'Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose.' So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap . . . alone. That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital , and she returned home with a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient. But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig. The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them. The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness. So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember ---- when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another. REMEMBER . . . . . EACH OF US IS A VITAL THREAD IN ANOTHER PERSON'S TAPESTRY; OUR LIVES ARE WOVEN TOGETHER FOR A REASON. One of the best things to hold onto in this world is a FRIEND 5 Comments

BANNED FOR A DAY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Dec 30, 2007 10:12 am Mood: i'm innocent i tell you, 2103 Views ME, little ole me?!?!?!?! Banned? can't imagine why, Didn't do a thing, honest, “There is no aphrodisiac like innocence.” “Whoever blushes is already guilty; true innocence is ashamed of nothing.” 41 Comments

............WHY GUYS LIKE GIRLS............. Dec 28, 2007 6:08 pm 1308 Views Oldfemales, thanks hun for this, i loved it so i am adding it to my blog for all to enjoy, hope u don't mind. A note to the guys, it's the little things that count,.... what i would give to have someone who adored ...the way i bite my bottom lip all the time, the way i giggle when i'm nervous or happy or have nothing to say(all the time really), that my favorite snuggling spot is burying my face in his neck and breathing him in, that i'm stubborn(he pretends to hate it, but really he loves it),.......love is not found in diamonds and gold but in the small and seemingly insignigicant moments that make up a day,... a week,.....a month,.... a lifetime..... 1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo 2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder 3. How cute they look when they sleep 4. The ease in which they fit into our arms 5. The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world 6. How cute they are when they eat 7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while 8. Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside 9. The way they look good no matter what they wear 10. The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth 11. How cute they are when they argue 12. The way her hand always finds yours 13. The way they smile 14. The way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after you just had a big fight 15. The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later.... 16. The way they kiss when you do something nice for them 17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you" 18. Actually ... just the way they kiss you... 19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry 20. Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly 21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt 22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt. (even though we don't admit it)! 23. The way they say "I miss you" 24 The way you miss them 25.The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore.... Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them ... it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. WOW....... We love them for a million reasons, No paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart. A feeling. Only felt. 6 Comments

--------Stranded on a Desserted Island--------------- Dec 28, 2007 5:05 pm Mood: amused, 1185 Views Please don't take offense people, learn to laugh at urself, i laugh at meself everyday, On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman 2 English men and 1 English woman 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman 2 American men and 1 American woman 2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman 2 New Zealand men and 1 New Zealand woman 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman One month later the following things have occurred: One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman. The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together having loads of sex. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman. The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to each other and to the English woman. The Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Polish woman and they started swimming. The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions. The two Irish men divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets somewhat foggy after a few litres of coconut whiskey. However, they're perfectly satisfied because the English aren't having any fun. The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the American woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfilment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is the root cause of all her problems, and why didn't they bring a cell phone so they could call 911 and get them all rescued off this god-forsaken deserted island in the middle of freaking nowhere so she can get her nails done and go shopping. The two Australian men beat each other senseless fighting over the Australian woman, who is checking out all the other men, after calling them both "bloody wankers." Both New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep. 2 Comments

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