For out of much affliction and anguish of heart I wrote to you with many tears; not so that you would be made sorrowful, but that you might know the love which I have especially for you.
A workaholic finally decided to take a long overdue vacation. He booked a Caribbean cruise and was having the time of his life... until the boat sank! He found himself swept onto a desert island. Six lonely months later, he is lying on the beach when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him.
"Where did you come from?" he asks.
"I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my ship sank" she says.
"Amazing". "You were really lucky to have a row-boat wash up with you".
"Oh this?" replies the woman. "I made the boat out of raw material that I found on the island; the oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree".
"But that's impossible," stutters the man, "You had no tools. How did you manage?"
"Oh, no problem", replies the woman. "On the other side of the island there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools." The guy is stunned.
"Lets row over to my place." She says. She docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow.
"It's not much but I call it home," she says. "Would you like another drink?"
"No thank you," he says still dazed. "Can't take any more of that coconut juice"
"It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have my own still. How about a Pina Colada while I slip into something more comfortable." She returns wearing nothing but vines and a strategically placed shell necklace.
"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've been out here a long time. You've been lonely. I've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right about now, something you've been longing for all these months," her hands sliding over his legs.
He can't believe what he's hearing. His heart begins to pound. He's truly in luck! "You mean." he gasps, "I can actually check my e-mail from here?"
» Breast Obsession A man was obsessed with women's breasts, so he went to a psychologist and told him his problem. "Let's play a little word association game," the doctor said. "I'll say a word and you say the first thing that comes to your mind." "Plums," said the doctor. "Breasts," the patient said. "Oranges." "Breasts," the patient replied. "Watermelons." "Breasts," said the patient. "Wipers." "Breasts," the patient said. "Wait a minute!" the doctor said. "I can understand the connection between plums, oranges, watermelons and breasts. But, automobile wipers? Where's the connection?" "Easy, doc," the patient explained, "one on the left and one on the right!"
Medical Benefits Of Breast Watching This came from the New England Journal of Medicine, so men take heart, and ladies chill they're only doing it for their health.
Great news for girl watchers: Ogling over women's breasts is good for a man's health and can add years to his life, medical experts have discovered. According to the New England Journal of Medicine, "Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a female is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work- out" declared gerontologist Dr. Karen Weatherby.
Dr. Weatherby and fellow researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, reached the startling conclusion after comparing the health of 200 male outpatients - half of whom were instructed to look at busty females daily, the other half told to refrain from doing so. The study revealed that after five years, the chest-watchers had lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and fewer instances of coronary artery disease. "Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation," explains Dr. Weatherby.
"There's no question: Gazing at breasts makes men healthier."
"Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half. We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four or five years."
Soon to be a classic christmas story told in homes across the world
The Little Angel on the Top of the Christmas Tree! One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit; this stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out at heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffeepot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made of. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the tree. Author Unknown
Nov 26, 2007 5:13 pm Mood: informational, like those arti, 649 Views
Disclaimer: Since IFFers are apparently all in kindergarton some words had to be changed to protect the faint of heart. (the prudes, rather)
1. Making Love helps you forget Oxytocin, which triggers the BIG O , has an amnesic effect that lasts up to five hours. So for a period of time you forget that he maxed out your Visa card or she was an hour late getting home from work. Women get an additional benefit. During "The Big O" parts of the brain that govern fear, anxiety, and stress are switched off. (Faking the Big O gives no such benefit.)
2. Heightened sense of smell After making love, production of prolactin surges, causing stem cells in the brain to develop new neurons in the brain’s smell center (olfactory bulb).
3. Weight loss Rambunctious fornication burns a minimum of two hundred calories, about the same as running fifteen minutes on a treadmill. British researchers determined that the equivalent of six Big Macs can be worked off by making love three times a week for a year.
4. Healthier heart Women who "do it" more have higher levels of estrogen, which protects against heart disease.
5. Cure for the common cold Once-a-week fornicating () produces 30 percent higher levels of immunoglobulin A, which boosts the immune system.
6. Better bladder control "Doing it" strengthens the pelvic muscles that control the flow of urine.
7. Relief for a stuffy nose Really. "Doing it" is a natural antihistamine. It can even help combat hay fever and asthma.
8. Boosts immune system Endorphins stimulate immune-system cells that fight disease.
9. Protection against Alzheimer’s and osteoporosis Women who "Do IT" more have higher levels of estrogen, which protects against Alzheimer’s and osteoporosis. Which is odd considering reason #1, i thought it helped u forget, hmmmmmm
10. "Making Love, or Doing IT" Can Cure Headaches A South Illinois School Of Medicine study on 52 migraine sufferers reported that 16 experienced considerable relief after the Big O and another eight had their headaches completely gone. So guys next time she says she doesn't want to cause she has a headache, throw this one at her."
So to make a long story short, as Nike said.."Just do it", repeat after me, "S-X is good, S-X is fun, S-X can help me live a longer, happier life" LOL,
This has a thought provoking message no matter how you believe. Does evil exist?
The university professor challenged his students with this question. Did God create everything that exists? A student bravely replied yes, he did!" "God created everything?" The professor asked. "Yes, sir," the student replied.
The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are then God is evil." The student became quiet before such an answer.
The professor was quite pleased with himself and boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.
Another student raised his hand and said, "Can I ask you a question professor?" "Of course", replied the professor. The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?"
"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The students snickered at the young man's question.
The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Everybody and every object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (- 460 degrees F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have too little heat.
The student continued. "Professor, does darkness exist?"
The professor responded, "Of course it does".
The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."
Finally the young man asked the professor. "Sir, does evil exist?"
Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course as I have already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. "These manifestations are nothing else but evil."
To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is not like faith, or love, that exist just as does light and heat. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."
Those who know me know i love poetry and philosophy. It has a way of making you look at the world differently, through the eyes of someone else. It makes u look beyond urself, keeps the mind fresh and always open.
Kahlil is a brilliant poet, i love his mind. I will always be thankful to that waiter in a small cafe in Salt Lake city who introduced me to his work. Anyway below are a few of his quotes, hope you like them but more importantly i hope u leave with a new perspective. ENJOY!!!!
"The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain."
"A friend who is far away is sometimes much nearer than one who is at hand. Is not the mountain far more awe-inspiring and more clearly visible to one passing through the valley than to those who inhabit the mountain?"
"The optomist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
"In battling evil, excess is good; for he who is moderate in announcing the truth is presenting half-truth. He conceals the other half out of fear of the people's wrath."
"A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle."
"All our words are but crumbs that fall down from the feast of the mind."
"An eye for an eye, and the whole world would be blind."
"And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair."
"Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror."
"But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls."
"Coming generations will learn equality from poverty, and love from woes."
"Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother."
"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."
"Exaggeration is truth that has lost its temper."
"Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof."
"Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity."
"Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need."
"I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers."
"Love possesses not nor will it be possessed, for love is sufficient unto love."
"Most people who ask for advice from others have already resolved to act as it pleases them."
"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."
"The teacher who is indeed wise does not bid you to enter the house of his wisdom but rather leads you to the threshold of your mind."
"To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to."
"When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."
"Wisdom ceases to be wisdom when it becomes too proud to weep, too grave to laugh, and too selfish to seek other than itself."
"You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give."
"You pray in your distress and in your need; would that you might also pray in the fullness of your joy and in your days of abundance."
"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens."
"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding."
We all are stuck here together, all trying to get our hands on some small portion of goodness, love and hapiness that exists. It must exist, at least my heart believes it does.
So why do we seek to hurt others, why is it so hard for man to see that when u lift another above yourself they will be compelled to turn back and lift u as well. Life is not a race to see who finishes first. I see no finish line, just a destination.
....is anyone listening,....or have my ramblings fallen on deaf ears?
Come one, come all heart 4 sale it's bruised and trampled but big and warm Too much for this sensitive soul to handle It has it's faults, can't be trusted, falls too quickly, has difficulty getting back up but it's kind and gentle and just wants to be loved It's not for me don't know how to care for it am too carefree maybe nymphs should never be given hearts for i can't/won't/don't know how to protect it So mine is for sale, don't want it anymore Come one, come all Heart 4 sale
Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says: "You don't know Jack Schitt."Now you can intellectually handle the situation: Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc.
They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The Deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents objection, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were still living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Shitt Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens Wedding.
The Schitt-Happens children were Daawg, Byrd, Hoarse and Bull.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. So now when someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt", You can correct them!
"Listen not only do I know him I know his whole family"
) produces 30 percent higher levels of immunoglobulin A, which boosts the immune system.
