101 things NOT to say during sex Aug 26, 2007 4:24 pm 774 Views 101 Things NOT to say during sex 1. But everybody looks funny naked! 2. You woke me up for that? 3. Did I mention the video camera? 4. Do you smell something burning? 5. (in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead... 6. Try breathing through your nose. 7. A little rug burn ever hurt anyone! 8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant? 9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door? 10. But whipped cream makes me break out. 11. Person 1 This is your first time..right? Person 2 Yeah.. today 12. (in the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour! 13. Can you please pass me the remote control? 14. Do you accept Visa? 15. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 16. On second thought, let's turn off the lights. 17. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend! 18. So much for mouth-to-mouth. 19. (using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay? 20. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober... 21. (holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo! 22. Do you get any premium movie channels? 23. Try not to smear my make-up, will ya! 24. (preparing to use peanut butter sexually) But I just steam-cleaned this couch! 25. Got any penicillin? 26. But I just brushed my teeth... 27. Smile, you're on Candid Camera! 28. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs! 29. I want a baby! 30. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies! 31. (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work? 32. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth... 33. Did you know the ceiling needs painting? 34. I think you have it on backwards. 35. When is this supposed to feel good? 36. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs! 37. You're good enough to do this for a living! 38. Is that blood on the headboard? 39. Did I remember to take my pill? 40. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere? 41. I wish we got the Playboy channel... 42. That leak better be from the waterbed! 43. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries! 44. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow.. 45. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed? 46. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.. 47. No, really... I do this part better myself! 48. It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate! 49. This would be more fun with a few more people.. 50. You're almost as good as my ex! 51. Do you know the definition of statutory rape? 52. Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes? 53. You look younger than you feel. 54. Perhaps you're just out of practice. 55. You sweat more than a galloping stallion! 56. They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash. 57. Now I know why he/she dumped you... 58. Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun? 59. You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated. 60. What tampon? 61. Have you ever considered liposuction? 62. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner! 63. What are you planning to make for breakfast? 64. I have a confession... 65. I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home! 66. Are those real or am I just behind the times? 67. Were you by any chance repressed as a child? 68. Is that a hanging sculpture? 69. You'll still vote for me, won't you? 70. Did I mention my transsexual operation? 71. I really hate women who actually think sex means something! 72. Did you come yet, dear? 73. I'll tell you who I'm fanatasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about... 74. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time! 75. Does this count as a date? 76. Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you! 77. Hic! I need another beer for this please. 78. I think biting is romantic- don't you? 79. Q: You can cook, too right? A: (Whaddaya think I'm doin'?) 80. When would you like to meet my parents? 81. Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like... Woman: Yourself? 82. Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"? 83. Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names. 84. Don't mind me.. I always file my nails in bed. 85. (in a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls? 86. I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light? 87. Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman. 88. Sorry but I don't do toes! 89. You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it! 90. Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO! 91. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper... 92. I'll bet you didn't know I work for "The Enquirer". 93. So that's why they call you MR. Flash! 94. My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer! 95. Is this a sin too? 96. I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain! 97. Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn? 98. Long kisses clog my sinuses... 99. Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise... 100. How long do you plan to be "almost there"? 101. You mean you're NOT my blind date? 11 Comments

Translate English in Hindi!! Aug 26, 2007 4:17 pm 1520 Views Translate English in Hindi!! How would some common english sayings translate in hindi?? How do you do? * Kaise karte ho? Keep in touch! * Chhoote Raho. Lets hang out! * Chalo bahar latakte hain ! Have a nice day! * Achcha din lo! What's up? * Uppar kya hai? You're kidding! * Tum bachcha bana rahe ho! Don't kid me! * Mera bachcha mat banaao! Yo, baby! What's up? * Beti Yo, uppar kya hai? She's so fine! * Woh itnee baareek hai! Listen buddy, that chick's mine, okay!? * Suno dost, woh chooza mera hai, theek? Cool man! * Thandaa aadmi! Check this out, man! * Iskee chaanbeen karo, aadmi! Hey good looking; what's cooking? * Arrey sundarta ki devi; kya pakaa rahee ho? Are you nuts? * Kya aap akhrot hain? Son of a gun. * Bachcha bandook ka. Rock the party. * Party mein patthar pheko. Don't mess with me, dude. * Mere saath gandagi mat karo, e vyakti. 13 Comments

ways to a tell a man his fly is unzipped Aug 26, 2007 4:14 pm 641 Views Ways To Tell A Man His Fly Is Unzipped 20. The cucumber has left the salad. 19. I can see the gun of Navarone. 18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out. 17. You've got Windows on your laptop. 16. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave. 15. Your soldier ain't so unknown now. 14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells. 13. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position. 12. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson... 11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal. 10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building! 9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod. 8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir! 7. The Buick is not all the way in the garage. 6. Dr. Kimble has escaped! 5. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary." 4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction... 3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones. 2. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it? 1. Men are From Mars 7 Comments

funny quotes and funny sayings Aug 22, 2007 8:37 am 769 Views When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark? Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them. I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. Death is hereditary. There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours. Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die 6 Comments

Unanswered Questions Aug 22, 2007 8:28 am 688 Views 1. why they sterilise the needles for lethal injections? 2.If Wal-Mart r lowering the prices every day ..how come nothing in the store is free yet? 3.If someone with multiply personalities threatens to kill himself,is it considered a hostage situation? 4.would a fly without wings be called a walk? 5.why do we drive on the parkway and park on the driveway? 6.why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing? 7.if u r dialling from a touch phone ,why do they call it dialing? 8.why is it illegal to park in a handicap parking space but ok to use a handicap toilet? 9.if a fork was made of gold would it be considered as silverware? 10.if a turtle dont have a shell is he homeless or naked? 11.if FED EX and UPS was to merge would they be called FED UP? 12.if olive oil comes from olives where does baby oil come from? 13.why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? 14.most mothers feed thier babies with little forks and sponns ,what do chinese women use,toothpicks? 15.why is there an expiry date on sour cream? 9 Comments

Funny Book Titles Aug 17, 2007 12:43 pm 712 Views Funny Book Titles Big Fart! by Hugh Jass Full Moon by Seymour Buns Surprised! by Omar Gosh Come on in! by Doris Open Pain Relief by Ann L. Gesick It's Unfair! by Y. Me I Like Liquor by Ethyl Alcohol I Hit the Wall by Isadore There I Hit the Wall by Isadore There Desert Crossing by I. Rhoda Camel I Need Insurance by Justin Case Let's Do it Now! by Igor Beaver If I Invited Him... by Woody Kum Soak Your Ex-Husband by Ali Money I Lost My Balance by Eileen Dover and Paul Down Lawyers of Suffering by Grin and Barrett You're a Bundle of Laughs by Vera Funny I Was a Cloakroom Attendant by Mahatma Coate Fifty Yards to the Outhouse by Willy Makit and Betty Won't 5 Comments

A Gentleman From.... Aug 11, 2007 7:50 pm 869 Views A Gentleman From.... A gentleman from Surrey Ate too much hot, Indian curry It was just like a hit When he shouted: "Oh, shit" And ran to the loo in a hurry 6 Comments

The Winds of Change Aug 11, 2007 7:48 pm 711 Views The Winds of Change I am a thirty something. I met a guy named Paul. He really was delightful in fact, he had it all! He took me to a hotel a lovely stately home he looked at me seductively switched off his mobile phone We dined and he romanced me bought me flowers and wine then whisked me up the staircase to room one ninety nine Naked he did carry me into the bathroom suite he'd filled the place with candles put down the toilet seat! He placed me in the bubbles and gave a sensual laugh but the ambiance soon vanished when I farted in the bath. 4 Comments

Big Bad Wolf Aug 11, 2007 7:30 pm 739 Views Big Bad Wolf One night at a club little red riding hood and the big bad wolf were getting their groove on. After hours of dancing and leading eachother on, they went back to his place. He asked her "come on please just let me stick it in." Little Red Riding hood replied 'Stick to to the story motherf**ker, EAT ME! oh my mind is so warped 2 Comments

kudos??? Aug 9, 2007 7:29 pm 923 Views ok someone help me out,today i see have 144 kudos now what the hell r they how did i gain there where they come from and what i gain by having them? sure puzzling me!!!! 10 Comments

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